Art, Jesus and Me

So. I write. And people tell me I write nice. Creatively, that is. And that I must continue.

Me, I'm not too convinced. You see, I live life pretty intensely, and while this is a wonderful thing when I am happy (which I am the majority of the time), it is a most dark thing when I am down. My highs are HIGH
and my lows are
LOW.

Existential Crisis Number 1: The Angst of an Artistic Approach

Writing intensified these extremes even more, because listening to other people's stories and creating of my own induced in me so much Mitgefuhl and despair at hearing the stories of the lost,broken and hurt in the world that after a while I decided to stop producing anything of my own. (Not in terms of this blog, but in other things).

Enter Existential Crisis Number 2: The Crisis of a Creative not Creating.

Sigh.

I certainly can't win: Even more angst followed when I stopped creating. I needed some sort of outlet, and I was holding myself in very, very tightly.

"What do I do?", I asked a fellow Christian Creative a few days ago. "I can't bear to create 'cause I feel so much of everyone else's suffering! But then I feel this need in me to create something!!" [I'm dramatic. If you haven't noticed by now.]

"Grace", she said sweetly, "don't take this the wrong way, but no matter how much you feel you're suffering when you're creating, Jesus suffered so much more for us. And He gave you the gift of writing and creating, so just do."

Amen.

Existential Crises: Pretty Much Over.

"Have you always been this outgoing?"

a friend asked, the other day.

"Well, I've always loved people", I said, while struggling to think whether this was actually the case or not. I think I also said something about how I'd made an effort to work on my people skills throughout the years - but either way, that conversation died a natural death after a while.

But because I'm a slow processor, later that day, I suddenly remembered this: I'd become a Christian late in my high school career, and had become a welcomed part of the church family. But, in the years before that, in my travellings and wanderings with my family to many different types of churches, I'd rarely felt genuinely welcomed. Many a church service, my siblings and I had sat there, a bit awkwardly, while wondering what I was doing there. [I mean 'we'. They had better things to do with their time than to think about what I was doing there specifically.] And who wants to join a church where you feel like a squirrel in a group of rabbits? We never had a real desire to come back, nor a real desire to participate with whatever church group we were interacting.

After I became a Christian then, I've made a conscious decision to be friendly and welcoming to people in whatever context I find myself in. This is just made easier by the fact that I can talk a donkey out of its ears, and that I do really find people oh-so-amusing and interesting. But my resolution was (and still is) never again, as much as it was in my power to, would newcomers and people around me feel as lost/unwelcomed/unconsidered as I did.

Sleepy time, wakey time

I sleep. A lot. One of my favourite things to do in the world. However, because I sleep a lot, I'm not always too stoked about having to factor in so much 'dead' time. How much more could I do with my life with so many more hours!!

True that.

But as I was driving home last night, listening to Sia Furler's Soon we'll be found, I was suddenly reminded of another beautiful reason why God in His graciousness has created us to be sleeping beings:

Come along, it is the break of day
Surely now, you’ll have some things to say
It’s not the time for telling tales on me

So come along, it won't be long
‘Til we return happy
Shut your eyes, there are no lies
In this world we call sleep
Let’s desert this day of hurt
Tomorrow we’ll be free

Let’s not fight, I’m tired - Can’t we just sleep tonight
Turn away, it’s just there’s nothing left here to say
Turn around, I know we’re lost but soon we’ll be found

On waking up after sleeping, I always feel as though the day's been given to me as a fresh start, as if I've been given a second chance. The hurts, mistakes, and errors from the previous day seem to, just like in the song, be something of the past, something that might still be a painful factor, but not half as powerful and potent as the day before. Now, imagine a sinful world like ours, free of any opportunities to start again, free of any opportunities to (in some way) wipe the slate free and try once more...

PS previous post on why we sleep: Talking about Sleepy Time

Happy Valentine's Day to me :)

So The Brother had told me about this band last year that I HAD to go listen to, and seeing as he doesn't often rave about local bands, I was intrigued. Then we found out that they were having a select pre-CD launch gig on 14 February, and he'd get arrange for five tickets, so that I could invite someone, and that he could invite two. Who else to invite than Princess Sarah? We decided to all meet up at church and head to the concert all together.

There'd been Miscommunications. But this only became clear on the evening. Princess Sarah arrived at church with her Lovely Joe who she thought she'd mentioned would be down here this weekend. I'd misunderstood completely, and thought he wasn't coming down at all. Oh dear. Scanning through the options, I decided to tell her to take my ticket for him, 'cause it would be easier for me to hang around church afterwards with all the other friends (whereas poor Joe would be kinda homeless as he'd driven through with Sarah), and it'd be lovely for them to be able to spend time together. [I'm sounding rather blase about me having to give my ticket away, but I wasn't as unaffected as I sound. I was quite disappointed 'cause I'd been really looking forward to finally spending time with Princess, and was quite curious about the band.]

Anyway. At least I'd come to a solution. I go inside, and head to the back of the church where The Brother is sorting out power point slides. Explaining that he's to give the extra ticket to Joe, I did not expect what he said next. "No, you go. Take my ticket."

My heart is undone by human kindness, and it broke a little (in the best way) at my brother's generosity. He'd really been amped to see them play, and he was the driving force behind us going to see them. Now, here he was, giving his ticket away to me. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Yeah, no sure. You go watch them, I've seen them before."

Wow.

And the most wonderful thing is, as I was singing with the congregation during the service, I realized again that my brother isn't just generous 'cause he was born like that. He has become like that because of his love for and obedience to Christ. Having said that, he makes being generous seem really easy in a way that is so encouraging.

Happy Valentine's to me. My brother is the coolest guy I know.

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down:
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Oh the wonderful Cross, oh the wonderful Cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
Oh the wonderful Cross, oh the wonderful Cross
All who gather here by grace draw near
And bless Your name

Were the whole realm of Nature mine,
That were an offering far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all!


PS I include the above, because that was the last song of the evening.
PPS When we finally got there and set up blankets and pillows on the venue floor (lovely, hey:) ), another friend mentioned that his one friend wasn't coming through anymore, and he'd just told my Brother to come get that ticket. So he got to come after all :) God is generous like that too.

I am happy as a pig stuck in mud at Bible Study

So this year, I decided not to lead Bible study. "Good", I thought. "I'll get a bit of a break.""Not so good", whispered my conscience. "You know that in the past you were under-stimulated and thus got highly distracting in bible studies."

So it was with a little bit of trepidation that I decided to join a Bible study group that was led with two good friends of mine. But last night, I realized it's going to be a WONDERFUL year of growth and learning!

Why? Well. Apart from the two leaders, there are only TWO members! (Actually three, but the one's going to England soon to have her baby there). And so, we have time to work through the passage thoroughly, and also to nut out practical applications. And because we all know each other quite well, it's a very comfortable environment within which to share and encourage and rebuke, if necessary.

Another lovely thing is that because all of us in the group have at one time or another led a group, it's also easier for the leader to lead, because our levels of exposure to the Bible are quite similar - we've all been Christians for a while, and there aren't any new family members etc in our group (which isn't a bad thing, it's just an easier thing in terms of practicalities: there aren't different levels of exposure to the bible in the group). And it's not really that we're being taught by one leader- it's that we're all teaching and leading under the facilitation of one.

So many 'ands'. This is a good thing :) Yay, my heart is happy. It's going to be a great year!

Social reform or word ministry? A thought [yes, just one]

Something I've been worrying about in the last few months is how I ought to choose the projects that I spend my time on. The difficulty comes in choosing between projects which focus on social reform or projects which are word ministries, e.g. Habitat for Humanity versus serving as a Bible Study leader at church.

Not that there is a real divide between things. On one hand, everything we do as Christians is ministry. On another, as people hear the gospel, they are (socially) reformed.

But my concern was about discerning where I'd be most effective. I've been told before that I have gifts that should be used in word ministry. Having dropped nearly all the ministries I was involved with this year, I started doubting if this had been a wise choice. Surely, the only true lasting change one can effect on this earth is to be a part of leading someone to Christ?

So, at this point in time where I find myself with two big social reform projects for the year, I feel slightly guilty. [okay, I know that the phrases 'word ministry' and 'social reform' have been repeated ad nauseum to this point, but I can't think of other ways to describe them.]

Am I doing the wrong thing? Am I 'wasting' my time and gifts? Should I rather drop these projects and go back to my ministries? I wasn't sure, because I believe that God uses our gifts, likes, preferences, passions to guide us in the ministries we should be involved in, and my heart is definitely for projects that focussed more on social reform.

Worried, I talked to Princess Sarah about this, and then she said the most illuminating thing that has eased my guilt-flecked conscience: that knowing Jesus has resulted in my love and passion for people and social reform. If it is Him that has brought about this change, then I should not worry about whether I'm doing the 'right' thing or not.

A little bit of a (sad) confession:

I decided a long time ago to never invite my non-Christian friends to my Christian friends' parties. Instead, I try spend one-on-one time with them, or tag along to their parties.

This isn't a hard and fast rule, but generally, if there's an open invite, I pitch up alone. For one, this allows me to meet and speak to the strangers and friends-of-friends that come along, but for another it's because I've learnt that most people don't really make the effort to get to know my people. [I'm not saying that no-one makes effort. I recognise that at these types of parties there are tons of people around, and that you can't always get through to everyone - I have just observed in the past that we could all do better at meeting others, and developing those friendships.]

Anyway, last night, friends of ours had an open-invite house party, so I pitched up, started chatting, eating other people's chips, you know. The Sister comes in a bit later with some of her non-Christian friends. They stay for a little bit, and then leave. "Did they enjoy it?", I ask her this morning. "No one really made effort with them", she responds, so I was a bit sad."

That too makes me very very sad.