ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I don't get angered easily. I'm one of those genuinely happy-go-lucky Dopey kids (as in one of the Seven Dwarves, not as in one of the Rehab Kids), who finds a genuine smile on her face pretty much all the time. But when I get angry or frustrated, I can be oh-so-very-nasty. 'Cause, underneath all my 'sugar and spice, and all things nice', I know how to hurt people, and I have the vocabulary to make it sting. And so it was last night, that in a destructive mood of complete frustration, I said some intentionally hurtful and spiteful things to someone I cared for deeply.

And this, after I'd blogged for the first time in ages, sounding all hardcore and mature with all my thoughts about how to be godly in speech and thinking and stuff. Oh, how quickly we can break, how quickly we fall, how easy it is to shatter something good with just a few words.

What a reminder of my wretchedness, a reminder that I am far from perfect.. And even when I have the best intentions, oh how my sinful self shudders to do be truly Christ-like.

God, how truly hard it is to be Your child.

I almost punched someone the other day...

Seriously.

The Guy had said something really stupid and unnecessary about bearing more responsibilities and workloads to a Girl who was already facing a lot of internal pressure, stress and perhaps a bit of burnout. And as he said it, I saw my fist reaching out, and smashing the smug grin off his face. But God kept me calm and gentle, and my fists open and by my side. And I very gently, very kindly, very softly rebuked him about his unhelpful comment and attitude.

Anyway, let's not worry about the fact that I coulda taken him on, but let's rather focus on the issue of thinking through what we say, how we say it, when we say it. Particularly with regards to being rebuked, and rebuking others. I mean, I'm all for it, but I've been reminded of two important things recently:

1) Hebrews 5:2 talks about the responsibilities of the high priest: "He is able to deal gently with those who are ignorant and are going astray, since he himself is subject to weakness". Now if this passage is speaking about the human high priests, how much more gently must Jesus have been in dealing with those going astray? And if Jesus is the one we are to be following, we too should be dealing gently with those going astray.

2) "For moral criticism to be responsible, it must be addressed to an audience belonging to the tradition criticized who can respond to it" (Tala Asad "A comment on Translation, Critique, and Subversion"). This quote is from a reading I'm doing for Translation Theories, and it's actually speaking about the responsibility ethnographers have to the culture and peoples they have written about. But as I read it, I suddenly realized how appropriate it is for our interaction with each other- it's not fair to talk about other people behind their backs. If you're really concerned about rebuking them, say it straight to their face!

So let's make life easier for tired, busy girls and think twice before we just speak. But if you do, and end up getting punched... You have been warned!!

So predictable..

I've been having a MAJOR existential crisis the last few weeks with regards to my future. So this time, I tried to be more adult about it all: I wrote out my options on a piece of paper, I asked my nearest and dearest to do a SWOT analysis of me, I prayed on my metaphorical knees, I bugged the brains of the older and wiser.. and I still don't know what I'm going to do. No magic appendix appeared in the back of my Bible, no dreams of me owning an island, no big billboard popping up in my garden.. Nada.

Obviously, this meant I've been in a bit of a tizz. And the thing with existential crises is that you tend to think that each one is special, unique, and the craziest one you've ever experienced. Ever. All other previous existential crises SO dim in comparison.

So imagine my surprise, when I went to have the Annual Debriefing with the Guy in Charge of the English Tutors, and he asked me what I was planning to do with my future. And as I listed my options, he listened attentively, then laughed and said: "Wow, that's pretty much word for word what you told me last year. I swear, if I hauled out your response in the file on my cupboard, it'd be exactly the same!"

Sheepish grin.

What an idiot! I'd completely forgotten that I'd pretty much been reacting the same way last year! So predictable. At least I'm consistent, right? But at the same time, it proved to be a great reminder about God's faithfulness: I'd gotten through this year pretty awesomely despite massive pre-freaking out, so I can surely trust God to look after me again! Yeehah!

An example of art used to reveal truth

I'm a big fan of Miss Regina Spektor :) Big, big, big, big, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg. And I have no idea if she's a Christian or not, but these are the thought-provoking words of her latest single: "Laughing With."

"No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God when they're starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God when the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one's laughing at God when it's gotten real late and their kid's not back from that party yet

No one laughs at God when their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake
No one's laughing at God when they see the one they love hand in hand with someone else and they hope that they're mistaken
No one laughs at God when the cops knock on their door and they say "We've got some bad new, sir,"
No one's laughing at God when there's a famine, fire or flood

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party while listening to a good God-themed joke or
Or when the crazies say he hates us and they get so red in the head you think that they're about to choke

God can be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha"

Art, art, art

Every now and then I forget how powerful art is. And when I remember, it kills me, crushes me, overwhelms me, drowns me, surprises me, excites me, thrills me. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay, so that wasn't reeeeeeaaaallly necessary. But let's proceed with the story, children.

So, last Monday I was invited to go watch a play with friends. Sadly, I can't even remember the name, but it was a Tennessee Williams play... with his typical touch of portraying scenes of heartbreaking brokenness. And as I was watching, getting drawn in by the lit up actors on the stage, I started getting a little bit scared. For I'd forgotten of the power of stories, of art, and being sucked in to the world of the play was the most troubling/amazing feeling in the world. And it reminded me how the arts are such a clear expression of our imaging after God - for in the arts, for some reason, we show mindblowing ability to create like God Himself created. Who hasn't gone to a rock show, or a trance party, or a movie or a play, and felt utterly sucked into something else you don't quite understand, to the point where you sometimes feel outside yourself?

This made me think about how we're supposed to deal with such a powerful gift, and I came up with two responses:
1) If you're in the practice of creating art, be careful what you use it to do. Be thought through, and don't use it irresponsibly.
2) If you're in the practice of consuming art (as we all are), we need to be careful of what we're taking in. There are many beautiful truths portrayed in art. But there are as just as many insidious lies.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Long time no write

Supplies! Remember me? Yes, I am the writer of this blog.

I know, I know, I've been missing for a while, but there's been much I've had to deal with. Fighting fire-breathing dragons, holding my breath while crossing narrow wooden bridges, jumping over marshmallow mountains, digging for jewels.. You know, all in a day's work for a Champion of Awesomeness

Okay, fine. Work got me down. As well as a whole lot of stuff. Lots to think about and to process, but let's start with this:

"Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong -  they are weak,
 But He is Strong."

Amen.

Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 6

Oh wow, I thought I'd just written the last thought about this, but I just found the most amazing words from C.S. Lewis.

In his book The Weight of Glory, he writes:

There are no ordinary people... It is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind... which exists between people who have from the onset taken each other seriously - no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.

Now THAT's food for thought.

Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 5

The last thought is left to a secular speaker I recently had the privilege of listening to, who spoke on how to give presentations. This speaker was amazing, someone who was able to keep a group of over-tired, partied-out group of students gripped to her every word through her amazing sense of humour.

"When giving presentations", she said, "use humour and not jokes". And what's the difference?

Jokes have someone or a group of people as the target point, humour is contextual and witty. Jokes alienate, humour need not.

Much to think about, eh.

Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 4

The second last bunch of thoughts comes from another friend [cut and pasted here :)] Why I've included his remarks here, is because they're really helpful at pinpointing reasons for indulging in humour, godly or ungodly:

Laughter is very powerful because it releases endomorphins (aka endorphins), pain-killing neurotransmitters that make us feel happy. But I know that often when I joke, I often do so to draw attention to myself or impress others, or, conversely, to take attention away from myself and my own failings by making others the butt end of my jokes.

I think it's useful and important to think of the purpose of our joking, but without being paralysed into mute seriousness -- which no doubt would happen if we were to evaluate whether everything we contemplated saying would build up everyone in earshot. Selfish joking is, I think invariably, sinful -- if not because it injures another, then at least because it is selfish. And when joking demeans another, it's almost certain to be wrong. Why the hesitancy to say it's always wrong? I
think there may be legitimate occasions for good-natured poking fun at people, e.g., at the convenor of a camp or event. This can help to put people at ease, especially those who perhaps feel insecure.

Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 3

And then someone emailed me and said the following about joking: "I also think wisdom is needed, for example if you are wise enough to see that a person will not be badly affected by a "loser" joke and if it is said in a loving spirit, I think it's okay."

But I also had some thoughts on that, as I promptly emailed back. (Of course I had thoughts! This is my blog!)

1) How can a "loser" joke be said in a "loving spirit"? That seems like a paradox?

2) Why do we use loser jokes anyway?

3) And I also wonder about how we can know for sure if the person won't be badly affected. I would say I'm a pretty strong person, and it's pretty okay to joke around with me about anything. But God's recently been using people to make jokes at my expense at times when I've been at a emotional weak point to show me what it's probably like for people who aren't as emotionally strong. And it kinda sucks. And i know that the various people joking with me haven't meant to hurt me. but I'm not going to wear a huge sign around my neck that says: "I'm having a crappy day, don't make jokes at my expense!" How can we ever know for sure that we aren't hitting a sore point with other people's insecurities?

Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 2

Now why I'm titling these posts 'Thought's and not 'Parts', is because I've just been having random thoughts about this, not really parts that build up to a point.

How boring that sentence was.

Anyway.

To move on.

And swiftly.

Here's another thought from my friend DJ B:

It's not that every word that we speak must build each other up, I think it's the attitude that we speak to people in. Like when I ask a friend to pass the tomato sauce when I'm chowing down on a good steak. That doesn't necessarily build him up. But if I'm all rude about it and say like, " yo, you over there, yeah, give me that All Gold now.." then its a problem. I think its the same with our joking.

So basically, he's saying we need to really think through what our attitudes are behind joking in a specific way. Are we really joking because it's meant to be funny, or is it just to make ourselves look better?

Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 1

Q: Why does the bride wear white on her wedding day?
A: So that she can match all the other kitchen appliances.

Laughing is fun, tension-relieving, endorphin-releasing, friendship-building, enjoyable, a gracious gift from God. But at the same time, like all good things in this fallen world, it can also be used so harmfully.

Luckily, God's been teaching me a lot about the way I use my humour over the past year. I'm one of those who appear not to take that much seriously as I'm forever giggling at something or seeing the ridiculous side of something. However, I've been more and more rebuked about how often i use mean humour to get laughs. You all know what I mean: we call it 'ripping off' and under the disguise of it all being 'in good fun', we use words to break others down.

However, why do we distinguish between the way we speak when we joke from the way we usually talk about stuff. What makes it acceptable that we joke about coarse things or that we joke ungraciously when God commands us to be pure and gracious in all things? When we wouldn't even think about being ungracious or impure when we're being serious? I don't think this means the end to all joking. I think this means we must learn to use joking in a way that DOES build up and that perhaps will be much harder work cause it'll need to be more creative and different from the way the world usually works..

With friends like these...

I've become friends with this lovely immigrant from Malawi, who moved to South Africa a few years ago to find work, and more opportunities etcetc. He's doing well for himself, but having said that, he's not earning top mega bucks. And what really amazeso me is that he is so generous with the little he has. This was again displayed to me on Sunday, when he came up shyly to me and called me out of the group of people I was standing with. As I went over, he showed me a collection of books he had with him, a whole stack of books he'd gotten from his employer. "He's given me more than 30!", my friend exclaimed, obviously really excited at this amazing gift. "And now that I am being fed so well with these gospel books, I thought you guys must also have one!" And lo, and behold, he'd picked one book for each of the people that had worked with him at the Night Shelter, How cool :)

And what's even more exciting is how thoughtfully chosen and appropriate the books were for each person! I've been thinking a lot about relationships recently - how much time to give to them, how to conduct healthy relationships, how to be friends in a really meaningful way etc.etc.. I'm a bit of a people's person (even though I swear that deep down inside I'm a repressed introvert at times!), and to be honest, thinking about relationships drives me up the wall and down again. Especially 'cause I've also been thinking a lot about burnout recently as well - am I giving too much, am I too easily focused on other people etc.etc. And believe it or not, the book I'd gotten was one called: "Listening for heaven's sake: Building Healthy Relationships with God, Self and others". My brother got one on the balance between praying and doing, another friend who's about to become a dad got one on leading the family in a godly manner etc.etc. Yay, talk about God stepping in to give us just what we needed!