a bit of a ramble

Another question to ponder:

Isaiah acknowledged, repented, trusted, listened and obeyed. Which of these do you struggle the most?

My initial thought was that my struggle was in obedience. God is perfectly clear on godliness and what that means (in most cases), but his commands tend to hang on the fringes of my life.

But, I wondered if it wasn't a more fundamental issue - that of trusting. Surely, my disobedience came from an inherent distrust of God's plan for my line.

Or, maybe it's something even more fundamental?

I can't stop thinking of Isaiah's response in chapter 6 when he comes before the Lord on His throne:

"Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!"

I realized, then, that my fault starts at the beginning of the chain. I do not really understand the awesomeness, the greatness, the magnitude of God. I do not acknowledge who He really is. I do not grasp Him in all his grace, mercy, anger, wrath, judgement, love, kindness, consistency. This is partly due to God's grace - so that my tiny little brain is not blown to smithereens while trying to wrap my head around this amazing truth, and so that I am not completely overwhelmed by horrific realizations of how truly sinful I really am - but also partly due to my own stubbornness and refusal to see Someone Else as greater than myself.

Something to work on, eh.

confession time

The last few months haven't been going well in terms of my walk with Christ. I can't remember the last time I read the Bible by myself. I'd say it's 'cause of being so busy (which it was - oh hell, August, September, October, November were insane, and December, January were spent recovering), but you know, priorities should remain priorities. God is gracious in that even though I'm not upholding my side of the relationship (i.e., listening to Him talk), I know He's still listening to all my selfish thoughts. He's kind like that.

Praise Him for His enduring patience and kindness.

I wish this post was me saying Okay, I'm ready to start reading the Bible again by myself, but it's not quite that. It's just a recognition of my sinfulness and fallibility. Confession time.

Dear God

Dear God

Thank you for being patient and for giving us another day in which we can tell others about you. Thank you that you have given us another day to learn what it means to be your child and to walk in faith. However, there are many things we still struggle with (me especially). I'm struggling to see why you can't just make everyone I love a part of your family RIGHT NOW, 'cause Father, I know you can if you want to. But you know what, with you it's more than just a case of 'if you want to'. 'Cause if my heart is breaking to see how confused and alone some of my loved ones are, how much more compassion do you feel for a whole earth of your creations. You know far more than me when it comes to these matters.

So, Father, instead I pray for more patience on my part and trust and willingness to be obedience. I also pray for more patience on your part, and for mercy. Father, I know there is nothing I can do to twist your arm, but I also know that you hear my prayers and know my heart, so please have mercy on my friends and family that don't know you yet.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

bzzz... bzzz... bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

That mosquitoes exist is not only proof that God is gracious (I would've wiped out this species eons ago), that He has a sense of humour, and that He is serious about teaching His children (in this case, me) patience.

heehee...

Every day we have, is one more than we deserve

I was walking around in the video store earlier, browsing through all the titles and wondering what to take out (which, sadly, seems to be all that I end up doing in video stores!!!!!!!!!), when the tagline of the movie Up Close and Personal (starring Robert Redford and Michelle Pfeiffer) caught my eye:

"Every day we have, is one more than we deserve".

And though I'm sure the writers of that didn't mean it in a Christian context, it stayed with me because it so aptly sums up the grace God has given us in us still being alive.

To look at it from a human perspective, imagine that you've stolen a loaf of bread. Or maybe something more extreme like 5 million dollars. The police would immediately be on your case, hunting you down, and you'd eventually end up in prison (well, that is theoretically what should happen). There is no leniency for those who have committed crimes (yes, yes, I know that many people get away scot-free with awful crimes, but that's not helping my analogy, so hush baby!). Those who have broken the law get what they deserve: an apt punishment.

What about us? We, as rebellers, against the only True and Living Lord and God face death as punishment because the magnitude of our crime is so horrendous. Yet, God is so merciful he allows us to live so that those who repent might spend eternity with him. If we were to follow through with the human analogy, we should've been caught, judged, and thrown into prison ages again...

Every day we have really IS one more than we deserve.

God is good. Let us not forget His infinite mercy and patience!