The Non-Christian Significant Other

We are always all to ready to judge, and all too slow to love and to try understand. I can claim this, for I am the same as you. And so it is, that I'd always been quick to judge (albeit silently) Christian girls and guys who ended up with Significant Others who didn't love Jesus. But God is a patient Teacher, and I've been taught to have compassion in this particular regard, so when a friend of mine was telling me about his sister who's currently with a non-Christian, I didn't respond as I might have a few years ago: 'She shouldn't be with him; what is she thinking?; if she'd acted properly in the first place, it wouldn't have gotten this far'.

Instead, I told him about how an older friend had recently told a group of us that his best friend doesn't love Jesus, but he married a Christian woman. 'But', our friend had cautioned as he [perhaps] saw the looks on everyone's face, 'before you are the first to throw a stone at her, just wait a few years until your own body clock is ticking and you're looking for someone to marry'.

This is not an exercise in looking for excuses- the Bible is quite clear that we are not to end up with non-Christians as marriage partners, but I told my friend this story as I think that our friend was saying this to caution us against being too quick to judge - for even if things are black-and-white, as people on the outside of the situation, we forget how hard it can be for the person inside.

So let's be more compassionate in the way we implement the black and white in our lives..

Talk once, think twice

I was flicking through Proverbs earlier in an Oooh-I-can-quote-more-out-of-context-Bible-verses-than-you-can-right-now-game with a friend earlier, and I was really struck by the amount of sayings about talking, words etc.

Here's a tiny little sample:

10:8 The wise in heart accept commands,
but a chattering fool comes to ruin.
10:19 When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise.
11:9 With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor,
but through knowledge the righteous escape.
12:6 The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood,
but the speech of the upright rescues them.
13:3 He who guards his lips guards his life,
but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.

It reminds me of a post I blogged two years ago: Did you hear? (heehee, look at me referencing myself).

More importantly it reminded me of two big relational issues I'd dealt with lately: a work colleague who didn't fulfill his part of a project requirement with the result that the other team members had to do much much more, and a friend who hasn't been as honest with me as I thought she was. In both these contexts, I didn't trust my own judgement of the situation as I was more affected by both situations than I thought, and turned to others for rational, logical advice (e.g. somehow I didn't think that ninja-chopping him and chucking him into a dark storeroom was a good idea).

Now, I have always been wary of anger and being angry as I have seen the ugly consequences of indulging in unnecessary anger in the lives of people close to me. But as I started talking to other people, I realized that I was still so angry about these things, instead of just calmly recounting the facts, I was in danger of crucifying The Offenders (what a cool band name, eh). I also tend to be quite dramatic at times, so even as I was asking my friends for advice, I realized I was making everything seem so much worse. Yuck. Yucky, yuck. Hmm. It's true what the Bible says:

12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Let's be careful in how we talk...

PS Bill Watterson (cartoonist of Calvin & Hobbes says: “Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.” :)

Something that's been irking me lately

is the way that we as Christians tend to fall into the habit of talking about our non-Christian friends as projects, or objects of conversion instead of people who are all uniquely diverse, crazy, wonderful, different. I'm not immune from this danger, and I use the word danger, because if we see them as goals-to-be, we lose sight of their uniqueness as humans created in God's image and as beings with the right of free will, and we see our relationships with them as duties, and not as choice. And then the way we interact with them becomes guided by rules and not by love.

Oooooooooh baby...

This isn't a lesson that I've learnt, this is more something I need advice about.. In the last while, two people I know have discovered that they're pregnant outside of marriage. How am I to respond in a way that is loving and supportive, yet also in a way that shows I don't condone their behaviour?

December pinks

'Tis the season to be jolly, lalalalalala.. Yes, it's almost December :) Another year, gone, schwiiiing (that's supposed to be the noise of a car zooooooooooooming past), and somehow all the BIG things that bugged me through the year seem miniscule now.. And looking back, I can see that yeehah, I've come a long way. So let us clap our hands, dance for joy and give thanks to the Lord! Because He has been faithful and because we can :)


PS The original title of this post was December blues, but I changed it- I need to stop moping about getting older and losing time :)

Legalism or disciplinism.. ooh, I mean discipline.

I've been thinking about legalism and discipline a lot lately. Christianity is about a relationship with Jesus, not about doing things to get onto God's right side. However, as a people who like controlling our futures, we inevitably all have to wean ourselves out of this mindset that we can do things to make God happy, or that we can behave a certain way to make God like us more e.g. I've heard of a few churches where there's a strict dress code on what can and cannot be worn if you're a Christian. Isn't that a bit legalistic, I wonder, acting as if there's legal requirements you need to enter into to be a Christian?

On the other hand, I've also come to realize that there's value into setting standards/ certain measures for yourself. Because of my foot injury, I should be doing these foot and leg muscles regularly. But every now and then when I've reached a point of being able to stand on my sore foot for more than 2 minutes, or able to do 30 reps of another exercise, I decide that I'm fixed and healed and then stop doing my exercises. Much to the ire of my physio, because at my next session with her, I discover (once again) that my muscles kinda don't grow on their own, and that I can't stand for more than a minute. This is where discipline comes in - me having to do my exercises the set number of times a week despite whether I think I'm fully better or not, whether I like it or not.

Now let's see how this would work out in the Christian walk. Suzy Q (a pseudonym for me) (ooh, I obviously don't get how this pseudonym thing works) decides that she's not going to push herself to read her bible every day, lest it become a matter of legalism. But, before you know it, soon she ain't reading anymore, and slowly she's not really listening to God's voice throughout the day anymore. Whereas, say Suzy Q had decided that the daily reading would be a matter of discipline, and that she'll do it whether she likes it or not.. And she keeps at it, and grows in more and more understanding of God's character.

I suppose it's a matter of your attitude - one man's legalism can be someone else's discipline, and vice versa. I think the challenge for us is to question which things we've been avoiding because we manage to convince ourselves that to be disciplined about it would be legalistic?

yummy yummy eat eat eat eat.. KABOOOM!: Food, Jesus, and me

I'm one of those people who's able to tell how their relationship with God is going by the amount or the type of food she's eating.

Strange, but true. It's not that the signs happen over a day or so- it's more a pattern that emerges over the period of a week or more. Bad signs are if I'm eating waaaaaaaay too much in general (I don't mean this as in ooh-I-usually-only-eat-a-carrot-stick-and-a-bran-muffin-every-day-and-this-week-I-actually-ate-five-potatoes-eek; I mean it in the I-usually-eat-three-or-four-solid-meals-a-day-and-lately-I've-been-eating-so-much-more-than-that), or if I'm eating way more junk food than usual. I say that this is a bad sign, because for me this is usually correlated with other behaviours that show I'm not trusting in Jesus as I should or that I'm succumbing to the tyranny of my body's unhelpful desires. (I like to eat healthily, you see, and I usually can't stand copious amounts of junk food.)

As it is, this week has been a baaaaaaad week eating wise, both in amount and in quality. And lo and behold, I haven't done any of my QTS in ages (not that this is a sin, but again, this is also one of the things God uses to draw my attention to how my relationship with Him is going). This has made me realize a couple of things:

1) Quite often as people, we get taken in by appearances.
e.g. If I were to go around telling people that I am a glutton (which I have already) people tend not to believe me because I'm not showing the evidence of my sin and I'm not 20 kgs overweight. I'm a hyperenergetic bunny with a reasonably fast metabolism, and so it is that the signs of my bad eating don't really show on my frame (unless I indulge in it for quite a while). But that's a false correlation, that people who weigh more are not self-controlled when it comes to food, and that those who weigh less, are. My gluttony stems from a heart condition - I'm just fortunate in that it hasn't become a physical burden as of yet.

2) As my friend Simon said, I should be feeding my needs, not my wants.
Why, you ask? Because otherwise I'm going to become fat? NOPE!! Wrong reason! (Well, that's a good reason for various health reasons, but that shouldn't be the motivating reason.) It's because the Bible says we should practice self-control. Because God has said that He will provide all our needs, so we don't need to overfill ourselves in fear of not knowing where our next meal is coming from (like as in the Bushman diet, as my one friend says). Another friend told me that he overeats when he's bored, but I suppose that's also a sign of discontent, something we should also not be?

3) Self-control is a valuable discipline.
Greed is not nice.
My belly says No!


I'm not saying that everyone's eating habits reflect my own patterns, but I've realized that God definitely uses this in my life to draw attention to Him. Perhaps it's a good time now, before the festive season begins to think about your own eating habits. Let me know what you think.

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

The Tale of Grace and the Sandwich

There I was, innocently sitting in front of the biggest, fattest, bad-assest sandwich I'd seen in a long time: a triple-decker of lettuce, bacon and tomato. Madness. It was all Terribly Exciting considering that I'd spent about 20 minutes indecisively scanning through the menu for a sign that would help me decide which item to pick [such as an arrow, or a little speech bubble with the words: "Grace, pick me!"] [if you're wondering, that Sign from Heaven never appeared]. It was also all Terribly Daunting considering that I suddenly had a feeling that the width of the sandwich wouldn't fit into my mouth.

However, I've never been one to shirk away from challenges, so I courageously picked up my knife and fork and started hacking, I mean, slicing away at the stacker. It took me only a few seconds to realize that I was getting nowhere. The various layers of my sandwich were all in disarray, the lettuce escaping from the sides, and on my fork, only a thin little piece of bread and bacon had been unable to avoid capture. I looked sadly at my fork, glared at the lettuce, and sighed at the huge sandwich still to be finished. This Would Not Do.

But was I Defeated? No. God had in His wisdom had created us with our own sets of hands and knives. Picking up the sandwich with my hands (which wasn't as easy as typing out this sentence was), I took a huge bite - almost to gag it out. In my hunger, I'd overeagerly miscalculated the angle at which I'd shoved the sandwich into my mouth, and its triangular point had brutely shoved its way to the back of my throat, tickling what should never be tickled. Hurridly, I grabbed my serviette, so that my companion wouldn't be faced with the sight of the previous two seconds going through a rapid rewind. It would be this moment, that the waiter would come past to ask: "Is everything okay?"

"No, I'm busy choking to death behind this serviette while my friend's dying of laughter next to me" I would've said if I hadn't had a mouthful of BLT in my mouth. Instead, I waved my serviette weakly at him, and gave him a thumbs up. Luckily, he moved on to trap his next victim mid-chew, allowing me to desperately do some Room Control in my mouth.

Fortunately, by the age of 22, I'd had much practice in the practice of gross motor movements, even ones as complicated as the ones I was going to have to engage in to ensure that the contents of my mouth weren't about to become familiar to the rest of the restaurant. After some intense chewing and eye rolling and vigorous movements, I'd managed to find enough space for everything comfortably. Bit by bit, bite by bite, and then: gone. Encouraged by my success, I looked again at my sandwich, by this time looking less and less like a indefatigable mountain, and more like a overarrogant molehill. "I can do this!", I thought. And by the end of the evening, only the plate lived to tell the tale: a sad little site of crumbs, lettuce sheds, and the occasional smear of sauce.

Moral of the story:
1) Man does not live on bread alone, but I bet you it'd be easier to eat politely if he did.
2) Persevere, for the goal is worthy.
3) Only eat out with those who are good friends, or those who are on their way to becoming so.
4) There's no reason to act like a Philistine when eating out, but neither is there no need to be a Pharisee.

quick fads, common sense, and Jesus Christ

While I was visiting a friend the other day, I noticed that she had the latest Runner's World on her desk. She was finishing off some work, so I started paging through it, looking for some tips or suggestions about what-to-do-when-you-want-to-start-running-again-but-you're-not-patient-or-smart-enough-to-see-through-the-healing-of-an-injured-foot.

Lo, and behold, I found myself on the food page (a lot of my day revolves around food, so this was no real surprise), looking at an article entitled: 8 New Rules for Healthy Eating. Always one to be interested in eating tips and nutrition, I decided to give it a read.

Informative? Yes. New? Not so much. It was pretty much the same advice I'd been reading or hearing about for the last few years: Fad diets are stupid. Eat moderately. Eat fruits and veg and whole grains. No refined processed products. Eat breakfast etc.etc

"They keep on saying the same thing, but packaging it in different ways," I remarked to my friend, before chucking the mag to one side without bothering to finish the article. I dislike reading about things that I already know about, and I was pretty sure I could tell you how to eat healthily without having to read yet another article. But then, my memory kicked in and flashed before me a picture from the previous night, where in typically ironic timing, I'd ended up chowing Tennis biscuits and Swiss roll for supper instead of my usual healthy offerings. Obviously, what I was reading wasn't acting itself out in practice. Sighing, I picked up the mag again, and starting reading the article properly.

Coming out of church a few days later, I wondered if I didn't approach my Christian walk in the same way I'd approached the article. We know that Jesus is the only way, and we know that reading the Bible, praying, meeting with fellow Christians etc. are all to our benefit, but for some reason we're still on the lookout for a simpler, shorter way to do things. But, just like you can't replace wise food sense with quick-fad diets, we can't replace Jesus with other things, 'cause Jesus is the only way. And so it is, we will find ourselves listening to the same idea over and over again in our churches, in our bible studies, in our circles of Christian friends: Love Jesus, and show this love in the way you treat others. Sometimes, I wonder, is this really all there is to it? And the answer is yes.

my finger or the moon?

"When a finger points to the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger"
- Chinese Proverb

D'uh.

Why is it then, that we so often idolize created things that point us towards God instead of the Creator?

The things we learn from bubbly

I really like pretty things, which is going to be a problem one day when I'm older. But right now, I really just love this place.

The last few weeks, the following quote has popped into my head at random times. I remember saying it to a friend of mine at a 21st party last year, where we'd ended up at the restaurant of a farm that specializes in bubbly. Nice, nice. They'd decorated the interior with bubble and champagne bottle motifs, as well as in vibrant colours, with lots of wonderful and unusual couches, lounges, chairs, paintings, vases etc. scattered around. Stuff that didn't shout cool - but only because it didn't need to when it was so obvious.

I've now realized in the last few weeks, that this 'when I'm older' temptation doesn't need to wait for the time when I'm in the position to buy lounges, couches, tables, you know, like bulky kinda 'adult' stuff. It's already arrived. In the last few weeks I've realized that I spent more money this year on pretty clothing, driven further to visit friends and cool places, spent more when we do go out, gone to classier/ more extravagant places than I ever used to*.

And I'm falling into the trap of the Illusion of Bubbly. Perhaps its apt that the comment I'd made came as it did as a bubbly farm, 'cause doesn't the world appear like that? Oh-so-nice, fun, pleasurable, sweet, sparkly, but deceptively so, for it's fleeting and transitory.

I'm not saying pretty (fun/cool/nice etc.) things are wrong. God has given us many things for our pleasure, and He also knows how he's created us. I'm someone who's stimulated by touching, smelling, tasting, hearing, but most of all seeing, and He definitely gives me ample opportunity to indulge my senses throughout the day. But, at the same time, I'm going to have to make sure (and I think this will be a continual struggle) that I don't end up idolizing this instead of God.



* I could defend this, by saying that I never really used to buy that much clothing anyway, I've only started driving in the last two/three years, I work part-time now so I have more money to spend, and that the places we used to hang out predominantly were cheap little student holes. But that's beside the point.

PS Check this out for a previous blog on play

Sometimes I'm the student, not the teacher...

"Would you like to explain this?"
"You mean my absenteeism in the past few days? My family's having some personal issues and I've had to go with to the hospital on some occasions. Sorry, I was planning to tell you at some point."
"No, I mean your essay. It matched an internet source, almost word-for-word."

I tutor English first years, and one of the yuckiest things I've had to do this year is to confront one of my students about plagarism. What made it even worse was that the student in question is really bright - one of those students who show real insight into the work, and give great input in class. But this is nothing new - as a tutor and a student myself, I've heard a million stories about students copying here and there, just adding a little bit on here, even those that are exceptionally intelligent. What particuarly crushed me about this discovery, because I knew that she loved Jesus too.

My first instinct was of disappointment. Why on earth was she 'letting the team' down? Why did she, one of the few Christians in my class, have to be the one who'd messed up like this? Why on earth, was she acting like someone who didn't care about God's commands?

My second instinct was of shame. No, not about her behaviour, but about mine. Yes, she is the daughter of a Father who does not condone cheating, but I too am the daughter of a Father who loves me and others like me, despite our sinfulness and multiple falls into temptation. I'd somehow forgotten that Christians aren't better than anyone else- we are not perfect, and we are not exempt from temptation. I'd forgotten that the only thing different about us is that we had accepted grace and forgiveness.

What a great reminder that with God, I am always the student, and not the teacher.