a bit of a ramble

Another question to ponder:

Isaiah acknowledged, repented, trusted, listened and obeyed. Which of these do you struggle the most?

My initial thought was that my struggle was in obedience. God is perfectly clear on godliness and what that means (in most cases), but his commands tend to hang on the fringes of my life.

But, I wondered if it wasn't a more fundamental issue - that of trusting. Surely, my disobedience came from an inherent distrust of God's plan for my line.

Or, maybe it's something even more fundamental?

I can't stop thinking of Isaiah's response in chapter 6 when he comes before the Lord on His throne:

"Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!"

I realized, then, that my fault starts at the beginning of the chain. I do not really understand the awesomeness, the greatness, the magnitude of God. I do not acknowledge who He really is. I do not grasp Him in all his grace, mercy, anger, wrath, judgement, love, kindness, consistency. This is partly due to God's grace - so that my tiny little brain is not blown to smithereens while trying to wrap my head around this amazing truth, and so that I am not completely overwhelmed by horrific realizations of how truly sinful I really am - but also partly due to my own stubbornness and refusal to see Someone Else as greater than myself.

Something to work on, eh.