Struggling with pride

When I was younger, I used to be far more wotevva about what people thought of me. Now I've come to realize that I struggle with status. As I may have mentioned before, I really like people, which is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that life is far more interesting because people are so fascinating and I enjoy making friends. The curse is that I get far too worried about what people think of me.

Why I bring this up is because I'm going over to England at the end of the year because of a prestigious scholarship. Ever since people have started hearing the news, they look at me slightly differently, and treat me slightly differently.. as though I'm a big deal.

Not helpful, no no. And I've started noticing that in my thoughts and deeds, I'm starting to drink the Kool-aid of their praise.

I told Sophie I'm concerned I'm becoming arrogant and proud. That I'm starting to believe that I am all that.

Sophie, again, was very helpful in this regard: "Do you know the antidote to arrogance and pride? Keep humble by engaging in small acts of menial service for others. Are you washing the dishes? Are you packing out chairs?"

And if I have to be honest, I've stopped helping so much with that. My attitude at church has become one of 'oh I'm too busy doing this, or talking to this person, or sitting on this chair, keeping it warm' or 'someone else should have the opportunity to serve'. These are all valid points in themselves in certain contexts, but in my situation, I use them over and over again to get out of everyday drudge work. If I'm honest, sometimes my attitude has become: 'I've served enough already; it's time for other people to serve me'.

Ooh. When did church become about me, me, me. When did my response to Jesus' sacrifice become 'what more can I get for myself out of this?'

Back to washing dishes then :)