A few thoughts:
- Packing has been such a joy and such a curse in forcing me to decide what I'm going to take and what I'm going to leave here. It was a curse, I felt, for the first two hours of my first packing (packing of things I wanted to have shipped across before I got there). I was quite emotional (read: grumpy) as I had to decide what clothes to pack, what clothes to leave behind. The intensity of my emotionality was due in part to the idea of a new adventure, but also in part to the attachment I felt to my stuff - a lot of which I'd never really used or worn like I'd intended. After about 2 hours of wrestling, I suddenly realized this most amazing truth: I AM NOT MY CLOTHES or my things or my possessions. I am just a steward of these things, temporarily; and with regard to a lot of things, I have been a very selfish steward. So I ended up dumping 4/5 black bags of clothes to the Sister and her Roommate, and giving away random bits and pieces. What a blessing to be reminded that ultimately I am more than inanimate objects linked to my name, and what great perspective to gain.
- It's been so lovely passing on my things. Quite a few people asked whether I didn't want to hold onto my things till I came back - I suppose I could've, but at the same time I don't know if I'll be coming back straight away; also, I'm tired of my stuff not being used while waiting for me. Like I said in my previous point, I came to realize that in the same way that my things do not define who I am, I am not the definer of my things. It is all God's, and He has graciously allowed me to use things for a while. Now, my purpose with them is done, so it's time for pass them on to others who can use them better.
- At one point, as I looked at the hundreds, indeed thousands, quite possibly, rands worth of stuff I was giving/ packing away in books, clothes, random bits and pieces I thought I needed, I felt quite sick to the stomach. All this stuff that I'd spent hours deciding whether to buy or not, the money I eventually ended up handing over, that dress that was slightly too big that I'd bought anyway 'cause it'd been on sale (that I'd ended up wearing only once or twice)... This whole process has really made me reconsider my purchasing habits. I've become a habitual impulse shopper in the last two years, I've realized, not because I need new clothes, but because I have money so I can spend it. It's been really great having this lesson hit home before I go over and start spending more money as I settle into a new place. I need to be far more firm and practical with the way I spend money.
- It's not easy, I must say, the initial parting from my clothes. I remember, I was taking two bags over to the Sister, and just before she came down, I was scrounging through the bags again just in case I'd missed one of my favourites.. I almost ended up taking a few items back, but I had to give myself a stern talk to leave it alone :) But it was more out of force of habit, than anything really. At this point in time, I've long forgotten most of the clothes I've given away, and I don't miss anything. So just because you don't feel like it initially, it's good to break through to a new habit :) I've decided to do this possession assessment once every year and give away stuff I'm not using!
To end off, I found this most beautifully poetic verse in the Psalms that has been such a joy, encouragement, rebuke, gift from God to encourage me in my understanding of generosity and stewardship:
Whom have I in Heaven but You
And being with You, I desire nothing on earth.
- Psalm 73:25
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment