My walk is not your walk, but is God's

A friend just responded to my latest posts via email:

Who is this new author of What about Grace? I don't recognize her from the one I knew last year :)
It's very encouraging and I praise and thank God for it!
Do you remember its about a year and a half ago we both started out with "You can change" - you have changed :)

I can't tell you how pleased I was to hear this. I'd been thinking this morning I hadn't really changed much; in fact, it felt like I was struggling more. After reading this email though, I had to reassess myself and have come to the conclusion: I definitely feel more settled, more confident in God's ability to run my life, and more comfortable about trusting Him than I have in a long time. Last year, I felt like John Mayer's heroine, "walkin' like a one man army/ fighting all the shadows in my head". Now, I'm still fighting, but it's more like a four man army.*

This incident reminded me of something I read a few weeks ago. [I paraphrase now because said friend is borrowing the book.] The author contrasts different types of the Christian walk, and points out: "Some people appear to be ever consistent, progressing steadily in godliness. Others seem to have patches of nothing interspersed with periods of phenomenal growth. Everyone is different."

[Something like that. I'll type it out in full in one of the comments once I get the book back.]

Point is, when I read that, for the first time I realized I might not be the former type as I'd always thought a good Christian should be. And that it was okay.

Sometimes there are stretches where it's hard, painful. There are stretches where I don't read anything or pray, and I want to withdraw and I want to give up. There are stretches where it's easy to be God's child, where I gobble up solid Christian book after another, and have a great phat chat with God throughout the day. Both these stretches are okay, 'cause God is in control. And everyone's path is different.

I'm not saying that we should renounce responsibility for maintaining our relationship with God. This is rather me saying that I've learnt that I need to let go and to trust God with His plan for my life.

Who knows, maybe the rest of the year is going to end up being as severe a drought like last year (where, interestingly, the number of blog posts was also indicative of the amount of time I had for God). God only knows.

But whatever happens, it's for my good. 'Cause He, not me, is in ultimate charge of my growth plan.

*Me, Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit. They love a good fight.