Sometimes there is nothing left but despair

As I grow older, I've been struggling more and more with frustration that God seems to be ignoring my prayers. It's especially frustrating when my prayers seem to be in line with God's: I mean, I understand if I don't get the all-expenses-paid-trip-to-Costa-Rica, but surely God could open the eyes and hearts of my family members and friends that don't know Jesus yet. Please?

And yet, days turn into weeks turn into months, which are slowly turning into years, and nothing. The same people still politely nod their heads at me when I try share the gospel, the same people still go searching for meaning in meaningless things, and slowly but slowly, I start to despair a little.

And that is all I want this post to be about. I despair. I get sad, mad, cross, despondent, furious at God for not doing something. There are many 'answers' to respond to my emotions, but you know what? For tonight, I would just like to acknowledge that it can be tough and exacting to trust and obey a God is bigger than we are. And that's okay. That's okay. We can be real before Him.