Sanctuary

Sanctuary: [...] a right to be safe from arrest in the sanctuary of a church or temple, recognized by English law from the fourth to the seventeenth century.
- Wikipedia

"The church is full of weirdos. This shouldn't surprise you. The Rotary club won't have them; the athletics club won't take them. But the church - the church takes them all in."
- Frank Retief

Even though the church no longer legally provides sanctuary, it's good to know that the body of Christ still performs a role as a place of refuge, albeit socially.

What a glorious picture of grace.

life.death

Tonight, the preacher started by asking us to turn to a friend to discuss what we'd be living for if we didn't have faith.

The friend I was sitting next to is reasonably pedantic at times - so am I - so we spent the first few seconds being confused by the question: surely everyone lived by faith in something, even if it wasn't God? Then, somehow, we ended up re-interpreting his question as "what we'd be doing right now if we weren't at church".

My friend's response: "Well, I'd be dead."
Me: "Really?"
My friend: "Yes. I know myself. I'd have killed myself a long time ago."

It was a humbling moment of honesty - one I could identify with.

I'd had suicidal thoughts throughout my teenage years - anger, frustration, despair drove me at times to wonder what it'd be like to leave this world and its hurts, anguish and pain behind. I have one especially clear memory of a tumultuous evening in grade 11, when death seemed particularly enticing. I thought about it more seriously than I ever had, going through various options and trying to figure out which method was easiest (and cheapest!).

But for some reason, something said inside me: "NO. There's something more to life. Don't." A switch seemed to turn on inside me, and suddenly thoughts of death no longer seemed an option. I'd never before felt such a strong conviction that this would be a terrible mistake.

A few months later, I gave my life to Jesus. I wasn't expecting Him to be the answer - I already thought I was a Christian.

But since then, death has no longer been an option - whether I bring it upon myself physically, or, as an inevitable consequence of my spiritual rebellion and sin.

My friend's answer reminded me how some people, like myself, have been given life by Jesus multiple times: at birth as a baby, at birth as a Christian, and in saving myself from myself.

So if I stand, let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You

- Jars of Clay "If I stand"

[thanks to Marcus for the song lyrics]

a word to brothers and to love

I look up to and respect the Brother like very few other men, even people. In fact, I've said to Princess S before that I will marry the guy who I respect more than my brother; that I will know this hypothetical guy is a keeper if I turn to him ultimately for help instead of my brother.

Part of the reason for my admiration is because of his love for Jesus. He's been a great witness to me and the Sister, always guiding, correcting, rebuking and looking after us. Not only this, he's a great example in his active service of others - doing thoughtful little servant-hearted things that people quite often take for granted. Jesus has completely shaped and changed his life, which is evident from the way he challenges himself and his thinking when it's not in line with the Bible's teachings.

Sure, he's got his faults. I used to tune him a when we were younger about him not listening to other people's sides of things, and not really being gracious in response to errors - he tends to be quite hard.core-. God is changing him, however, and he is also eager to grow.

You can imagine then, how shattering it would be if one of his beloved sisters were to decide to stop being a Christian. I hadn't really thought of the effect on him when I sent out an email with a link to my post entitled 24 April 2011: The night I decided not to be a Christian anymore - Part 1.

He received the email, but had to dash off without reading my post. What I will never forget, though, are his final words to me before he walked out of the door: "Grace, whatever it is you've decided; remember, I still love you."

Even though the post wasn't what he thought it would be, I was completely overwhelmed by his words of love. And then I realized this was because I'd just experienced first hand how God treats human beings and sin: to hate what we do as sinners, but to love who we are as human beings.

significant others and ambition

the groom (an overachiever of note) told of how he nearly broke things off with my friend because he felt she wasn't ambitious enough. intense! but understandable given the incredible business and personal achievements the groom had racked up in his short life. but then the groom told of how his wife-to-be-then responded, she said "No, you're wrong. I am ambitious. My ambition is to love my neighbour as myself".
BOOM. game over.

- from the lovely Lauren's blog

Confession: if there's anyone who I am more like in the story, it's the groom. Not that I'm that much of an overachiever, but because I'm starting to struggle increasingly more with pride, status anxiety etc...

For a long time, I've thought about who I might possibly end up with one day (if marriage is on the cards), and I've come to realize now that the characteristics I'd listed were along the line of the world's definition of success. Some of my preferences are definitely wisdom choices, but some of them were just.. unimportant, really.

Reading La's friends' story was such a helpful antidote because of the way that the girl so gently and firmly reminds the guy of what priorities are in life.

Here's to ambition, hoorah hoorah. I'm rewriting my list so that it has one thing on it: Main ambition in life must be to be more like Jesus Christ every day.

I run to You

This isn't a Christian song (not that I know of), but I'm hijacking it today.

Lady Antebellum's I Run To You

I run from hate, I run from prejudice
I run from pessimists, but I run too late
I run my life or is it running me, run from my past
I run too fast or too slow it seems

When lies become the truth
That's when I run to you

This world keeps spinning faster
Into a new disaster so I run to you, I run to you
When it all starts coming undone
Baby, you're the only one I run to, I run to you

We run on fumes, your life and mine
Like the sands of time slippin' right on through
And our love's the only truth
That's why I run to you

This world keeps spinning faster
Into a new disaster so I run to you, I run to you
When it all starts coming undone
Baby, you're the only one I run to, I run to you

Whoa, oh, I run to you

This world keeps spinning faster
Into a new disaster so I run to you, I run to you
When it all starts coming undone
Baby, you're the only one I run to, I run to you, I run to you, yeah

a bit of a ramble

Another question to ponder:

Isaiah acknowledged, repented, trusted, listened and obeyed. Which of these do you struggle the most?

My initial thought was that my struggle was in obedience. God is perfectly clear on godliness and what that means (in most cases), but his commands tend to hang on the fringes of my life.

But, I wondered if it wasn't a more fundamental issue - that of trusting. Surely, my disobedience came from an inherent distrust of God's plan for my line.

Or, maybe it's something even more fundamental?

I can't stop thinking of Isaiah's response in chapter 6 when he comes before the Lord on His throne:

"Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!"

I realized, then, that my fault starts at the beginning of the chain. I do not really understand the awesomeness, the greatness, the magnitude of God. I do not acknowledge who He really is. I do not grasp Him in all his grace, mercy, anger, wrath, judgement, love, kindness, consistency. This is partly due to God's grace - so that my tiny little brain is not blown to smithereens while trying to wrap my head around this amazing truth, and so that I am not completely overwhelmed by horrific realizations of how truly sinful I really am - but also partly due to my own stubbornness and refusal to see Someone Else as greater than myself.

Something to work on, eh.

Reactions to God's Word

Isaiah is told that his preaching will not make it easier for Israel to believe and repent. On the contrary, it will make it harder. This is so because humans are independent beings at their core. Preaching about the rule of God often challenges people and hardens them, thus confirming them in their independence and in their fate.

If people are independent at heart and preaching makes them more so, how can anyone turn back to God?

- Two Cities: Isaiah - Andrew Reid and Karen Morris

Makes you think, huh?

I take being rebuked, challenged, encouraged, taught by God's Word as a given (sometimes, a very uncomfortable given with hard truths), but as Reid and Morris point out, it's clear from Isaiah 6 that this isn't the natural, default reaction.

How gracious God is in causing us to react to His Word in ways other than becoming more hardened.

Amazing grace, names, me

I love this song: Amazing grace (the Chris Tomlin version, in particular).

We sang it last night, after a really good sermon explaining that only Jesus can bring us freedom, and God is NOT the enemy of freedom. Jesus sets us free to be who we are, free from any impossible standards imposed upon us by our parents, friends, peers, society, ourselves.

Helpful truth to be reminded of that I needed. God's got good timing like that.

I like to joke with God that He gave me the name Grace so that my egotistical self never forgets about Him. (Hearing my name a million times during a service also makes sure I pay constant attention to what's happening up front :).) Being named after God's incredibly act of mercy ensures that I never forget what He's done for me in Jesus. Sometimes, my name gets 'old', but then I meet people who aren't accustomed to my name, and their surprise at hearing such a beautiful name reminds me afresh of what meaning my name carries.

Grace. God's Riches/ Redemption At Christ's Expense.

My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, My Saviour, has ransomed me

And like a flood, His mercy reigns

Unending love, amazing grace

Free grace

Noun, not verb. I don't need freeing.

Or, no, maybe I do.

I'm still thinking me me me, do do do so much, when I should be thinking Jesus Jesus Jesus, done done done.

I love this explanation by Tim Keller about what the actual implications of grace:

"Consider the free grace of Jesus until there is (a) no cowardly avoidance of hard things (since Jesus faced evil for me), (b) no anxious or rash behaviour (since Jesus' death proves God cares & will watch over me). It takes pride to be anxious - I am not wise enough to know how my life should go. Consider free grace until I experience calm thoughtfulness and strategic boldness."

Yeah, no more cowardlyness! No more anxiety and rashness. Let's be real trusting children of God.

Sometimes I'm the student, not the teacher...

"Would you like to explain this?"
"You mean my absenteeism in the past few days? My family's having some personal issues and I've had to go with to the hospital on some occasions. Sorry, I was planning to tell you at some point."
"No, I mean your essay. It matched an internet source, almost word-for-word."

I tutor English first years, and one of the yuckiest things I've had to do this year is to confront one of my students about plagarism. What made it even worse was that the student in question is really bright - one of those students who show real insight into the work, and give great input in class. But this is nothing new - as a tutor and a student myself, I've heard a million stories about students copying here and there, just adding a little bit on here, even those that are exceptionally intelligent. What particuarly crushed me about this discovery, because I knew that she loved Jesus too.

My first instinct was of disappointment. Why on earth was she 'letting the team' down? Why did she, one of the few Christians in my class, have to be the one who'd messed up like this? Why on earth, was she acting like someone who didn't care about God's commands?

My second instinct was of shame. No, not about her behaviour, but about mine. Yes, she is the daughter of a Father who does not condone cheating, but I too am the daughter of a Father who loves me and others like me, despite our sinfulness and multiple falls into temptation. I'd somehow forgotten that Christians aren't better than anyone else- we are not perfect, and we are not exempt from temptation. I'd forgotten that the only thing different about us is that we had accepted grace and forgiveness.

What a great reminder that with God, I am always the student, and not the teacher.

bitter bitter bitter

I was sitting in church the other day, when Lee (our morning minister) asked the congregation if they (me) were in danger of becoming Christians who were embittered by their trials and disappointments. In previous years I would've been quick to say 'No' (and it would've been an honest No). This time round, I realized that I could not truthfully say No - in the past year or so, I've definitely notched up one or two experiences which I have not (yet) fully handed over to God. If I am honest with myself, I am still struggling to obey God's decision about how they played out, and I'm still struggling to trust that He is Infintitely Wise.

What had changed?, I wondered when I felt the No struggle inside me. Was it that I'd become less godly, and that things had somehow become harder? Was it that I'd become a 'weaker' Christian?

I realized later it wasn't that I'd become less godly - the simple fact of the matter is that when I was younger I hadn't had the opportunity to face half the trials and issues that I was dealing with now. That particular area of my godliness hadn't been tested at all! And this is something I'm blogging about now so that in 30 years from now when I am stuck with a sulky teenybopper, a broken-down motorbike and an awful purple haircut, I will be reminded that the longer life goes on, the more resentments and bitternesses I will be tempted to lug around with me. And Dear Grace of the Future, it is not that you are less godly than the Grace of the Right Now, it is just that God has seen fit to test you through more.

What then? Lee then carried on with some amazing words said by the one-time Bishop of Tanzania:

There is no future in Frustration.

Remember that, Grace of the Future. There is no glory in bitterness, there is no hope in a dead end. Trust and Obey.

Putting the Amazing back into Grace

I climbed into the car this morning and put on my favourite CD of the moment... yes, you're right: The one and only Miss Regina Spektor. And as I was driving, her song 'Eet' started playing...

 

"It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat.."

 

And that made me think about the way that we sometimes simply forget about grace. Or rather: how easy it is to forget about what God has done for us through his grace, and what a truly amazing gift it is. We're so aware of this key Christian word and concept that sometimes, just like the person in the song, overexposure to the idea of grace perhaps dulls our consciousness of its magnitude. We forget the words, even though it's our favourite song. I know that I definitely forget at times what it means to be someone who has received grace and still continuously receives grace, and then fall into the trap of thinking that I'm not good enough for God. Or that I'm too good for God. Or that I can do enough to be with God. But that's not true. God's grace is the only way, and all we need.

 

Let's go relearn the words to our favourite song....

 

I almost punched someone the other day...

Seriously.

The Guy had said something really stupid and unnecessary about bearing more responsibilities and workloads to a Girl who was already facing a lot of internal pressure, stress and perhaps a bit of burnout. And as he said it, I saw my fist reaching out, and smashing the smug grin off his face. But God kept me calm and gentle, and my fists open and by my side. And I very gently, very kindly, very softly rebuked him about his unhelpful comment and attitude.

Anyway, let's not worry about the fact that I coulda taken him on, but let's rather focus on the issue of thinking through what we say, how we say it, when we say it. Particularly with regards to being rebuked, and rebuking others. I mean, I'm all for it, but I've been reminded of two important things recently:

1) Hebrews 5:2 talks about the responsibilities of the high priest: "He is able to deal gently with those who are ignorant and are going astray, since he himself is subject to weakness". Now if this passage is speaking about the human high priests, how much more gently must Jesus have been in dealing with those going astray? And if Jesus is the one we are to be following, we too should be dealing gently with those going astray.

2) "For moral criticism to be responsible, it must be addressed to an audience belonging to the tradition criticized who can respond to it" (Tala Asad "A comment on Translation, Critique, and Subversion"). This quote is from a reading I'm doing for Translation Theories, and it's actually speaking about the responsibility ethnographers have to the culture and peoples they have written about. But as I read it, I suddenly realized how appropriate it is for our interaction with each other- it's not fair to talk about other people behind their backs. If you're really concerned about rebuking them, say it straight to their face!

So let's make life easier for tired, busy girls and think twice before we just speak. But if you do, and end up getting punched... You have been warned!!

With friends like these...

I've become friends with this lovely immigrant from Malawi, who moved to South Africa a few years ago to find work, and more opportunities etcetc. He's doing well for himself, but having said that, he's not earning top mega bucks. And what really amazeso me is that he is so generous with the little he has. This was again displayed to me on Sunday, when he came up shyly to me and called me out of the group of people I was standing with. As I went over, he showed me a collection of books he had with him, a whole stack of books he'd gotten from his employer. "He's given me more than 30!", my friend exclaimed, obviously really excited at this amazing gift. "And now that I am being fed so well with these gospel books, I thought you guys must also have one!" And lo, and behold, he'd picked one book for each of the people that had worked with him at the Night Shelter, How cool :)

And what's even more exciting is how thoughtfully chosen and appropriate the books were for each person! I've been thinking a lot about relationships recently - how much time to give to them, how to conduct healthy relationships, how to be friends in a really meaningful way etc.etc.. I'm a bit of a people's person (even though I swear that deep down inside I'm a repressed introvert at times!), and to be honest, thinking about relationships drives me up the wall and down again. Especially 'cause I've also been thinking a lot about burnout recently as well - am I giving too much, am I too easily focused on other people etc.etc. And believe it or not, the book I'd gotten was one called: "Listening for heaven's sake: Building Healthy Relationships with God, Self and others". My brother got one on the balance between praying and doing, another friend who's about to become a dad got one on leading the family in a godly manner etc.etc. Yay, talk about God stepping in to give us just what we needed!

Habitat for Humanity devotions... Part 1

With the first devotion, I used a quote from the founder of Habitat that talked about his motivation for helping others, in order to ease the listeners into the devotions/ Christianity idea, and to make it relevant to them as members of Habitat for Humanity. I also explained a bit first about why we were doing the devotions, so that people wouldn't feel that they'd been tricked into anything.

Part 1:

Habitat has an open-door policy: All who desire to be a part of this work are welcome, regardless of religious preference or background. We have a policy of building with people in need regardless of race or religion. We welcome volunteers and supporters from all backgrounds. However, Habitat for Humanity International is a nonprofit Christian organization, so every morning we're going to start off with a devotion or a reflection time thinking about Habitat and what we’re here to do.

Why are you here this week? Is it out of guilt 'How can I have so much when so many others are struggling?'. Is it to have fun, and make new friends? Or is it simply to help others because its right. If you feel the last way, it's really an expression of the fact that you're made in the image of God and made for community. The founder of Habitat for Humanity, Millard Fuller once said: “I see life as both a gift and a responsibility. My responsibility is to use what God has given me to help his people in need", illustrating the reason why Habitat sought to fill this need. It's because the Bible teaches that all people are created in the image of God, therefore have intrinsic value. that is why we are urged to help and care for others. So as we start building today, it'd be a good idea to just think through for yourself, why you're here and doing what you're doing.

Sometimes when the world closes its eyes, so do I

"I've seen lots of scenes on television myself that were hard to take. Guys in slips and masks pulling bodies out of a mass grave. Newborns they toss, laughing, into bread ovens Young women who coat their throats with oil before going to bed. "That way," they say, "when the throat-slitters come, the blades of their knives weren't hurt as much." I suffered from these things without really feeling involved. I didn't realize that if the victims shouted loud enough, it was so I would hear them, myself, and thousands of other people on earth, and so we would try to do everything we could so that their suffering might end. It always happened so far away, in countries on the other side of the world. But in these early days of April in 1994, the country on the other side of the world is mine" (10).

So speaks Michel Serumundo on the day he is about to die. A fictional character in Murambi, the Book of Bones by Boubacar Boris Diop, Serumondo is one of the victims that die in the Rwandan genocide of 1994. However, his constructedness doesn't negate the stinging reproach held in these words: How often do we simply turn away from tragedies in the world? And particularly striking about the Rwandan genocide is the fact that it was one where the rest of the world clearly turned their back away and did nothing to intervene while in a period of 90-100 days, 800 000 - 1,2 million people were killed.

As Michel says to his wife:

"Don't worry, Sera, the entire world is watching them, they won't be able to do anything." [...] In my heart of hearts, I knew I was wrong. The World Cup was about to begin in the United States. The planet was interested in nothing else. And in any case, whatever happened in Rwanda, it would always be the asme odl story of blacks beating up on each other. Even Africans would say, during half-time of every match, "They're embarassing us, they should stop killing each other like that." Then they'll go on to something else. "Did you see that acrobatic flip of Kluivert's?" (9, 10).

What the novel really succeeded in doing was making me think about how the world reacts to events such as this. And the thing is, the Rwandan genocide is just one in many mass injustices that has left no continent untouched. And being of such a gross nature, it really makes key questions about our participation in social events strike home, and there's one particuarly question I'd like to leave you with: In cases of unjust, inhuman events (no matter how big or small), what is our response as Christians? Do we, like the rest of the world, turn away? Do we, like the rest of the world, blind ourselves to the fact that every human has been created in the image of God and remain apathetic? Because at the act of every sinful, unjust act is a lie. And in this case, the lie would be: it doesn't matter that I don't act, because they don't matter.

I'd like to point out two possible traps you might fall into when thinking about this answer.
1) Don't fall into the trap of thinking that I'm talking only about cases that are as huge and consequential as a genocide- we've all come across little cases of injustice in our lives to which we turn a blind eye.
2) On the other hand, don't think that you need to drop your work and life and move to Rwanda to make a difference. For some of us, this might mean that we do become social activists, but for the rest of us, it might just mean small changes in our lives that otherwise remain pretty much the same.

Having said all that, I don't know what this might mean in terms of your own context and lifestyle. But let's just think a bit mroe earnestly about our participation in the world, and how this might work itself out.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Hohohohohohohoho. Hehehehehehhe. Umph.

I've been thinking a lot about grace (seethis post on a recent thought on grace) and inevitably that has led me to consider areas in which I could use a little bit more grace.

In particular, God's been teaching me a lot about the way I use my humour. More specifically, the way I use mean humour to get laughs. You know what I mean: we call it 'ripping off' and under the guise of 'good fun', we use words to break others down.

But on Friday, it suddenly struck me: Why do we distinguish between the way we joke and the way we usually talk about stuff? What makes it acceptable that we joke about coarse things or that we joke ungraciously when God commands us to be pure and gracious in all things? What makes it acceptable when we wouldn't even think about being ungracious or impure when we're 'serious'? I don't think this means the end to all joking. I think this means we must learn to use joking in a way that DOES build up or that does not rely on breaking others down.

I've heard from some people that it could be okay to only use 'ripping off' jokes on those people that we know are strong enough to deal with them. However, God's also been using people to make those jokes at my expense recently when I haven't been all that emotionally strong. And even though I was aware these jokes were made in jest, they really sucked. So again, why do we justify these jokes?

The one explanation I can think of is that this is the vocabulary of humour for the majority of the people we're surrounded with, and we've unthinkingly let the world's standards determine our own standards. Another thing is that we are deeply self-centered (or insecure) and we let our egos control our jokes - so we make jokes in a way that imply that we're better than others. One last factor I've been thinking about is that it's so much harder having to be creative with your humour and practising humour that won't offend or hurt. But let's do it! Let's be different and love Jesus and fellow brothers and sisters with our humour!

Here are Awesome Joe-some's thoughts on this: "But here's another thought, which we can ask ourselves once we've sorted out the bad joking - the question still stands, of what the main thing about us is:
[W]e should seriously consider whether there is more to us than just our joking - Are you most known for that, or for being a solid, sound Christian brother/sister who is fun?"

Let's be the living models of grace

or rather, gracious. 'Cause I'm not too being gracious at times!

Last week's memory verse (how exciting, I'm doing well at keeping up with this memorizing thing thus far) was 2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

And I was just blown away by this reminder of God's grace. But then that made me think: If we're supposed to be like God, how many people feel genuinely that they can come to us with their insecurities and weaknesses and problems knowing that we'll be gracious and gentle with them? That we're different from others who might mock them? 'Cause it's so great to be able to turn to God with our problems knowing that He is compassionate, loving, gracious and understanding. Are we the same?

God redeems

I just had a chat with a friend about a gospel opportunity I'd had with a girl she knew. Unfortunately, things had gone a bit pear shaped, and I'd ended up offending the girl with the result that she didn't spoken to me for a year (!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Still a bit bleak about it, I said to my friend that I'd initially felt as though I could've timed it better, but had concluded that God was ultimately in control. At which point my friend piped up with some lovely words of reassurance: "And God redeems our bad choices".

How awesome! God is the God who not only redeems us in terms of our salvation, but also redeems us from our bad choices, no matter if they've been made in the past, present, or are still to be made!! :)

What a relief. I've made some blunders in the past, and am pretty sure the future's going to be full of them too!

Going to have a nice little nap now before I blog about this really cool thing that a church I visited this morning does during communion :) Over and out!

GGATHND: Part IV - Letting go and letting God

I just read this most amazing book called "God's Grace and the Homosexual Next Door" by Alan Chambers and the Leadership Team at Exodus International. It's so wonderful I just have to share bits and pieces from it! It's written so graciously and humbly, yet uncompromising on the truth that ALL have sinned and that Jesus has died for ALL :).


In this post, I merely want to share this funny little anecdote I read in the book. The writer, Randy Thomas, talks about wanting to share the gospel with someone he starts developing a friendship with. However, the opportunity never arises. He thus concludes:

I must rest in the fact that my Lord is bigger than I, and He will watch over and guide her in His timing to His truth. I know the Holy Spirit… and His name is not Randy (p.127).

I just love the way his story reminds me not to get frustrated when I think things aren't going the way I want them to, but to rather rest in God's good timing and planning :) I know the Holy Spirit too! And His name is definitely not Grace!!

*All extracts from Chambers, Alan. God's Grace and the Homosexual Next Door. USA: Harvest House Publishers, 2006.