bitter bitter bitter

I was sitting in church the other day, when Lee (our morning minister) asked the congregation if they (me) were in danger of becoming Christians who were embittered by their trials and disappointments. In previous years I would've been quick to say 'No' (and it would've been an honest No). This time round, I realized that I could not truthfully say No - in the past year or so, I've definitely notched up one or two experiences which I have not (yet) fully handed over to God. If I am honest with myself, I am still struggling to obey God's decision about how they played out, and I'm still struggling to trust that He is Infintitely Wise.

What had changed?, I wondered when I felt the No struggle inside me. Was it that I'd become less godly, and that things had somehow become harder? Was it that I'd become a 'weaker' Christian?

I realized later it wasn't that I'd become less godly - the simple fact of the matter is that when I was younger I hadn't had the opportunity to face half the trials and issues that I was dealing with now. That particular area of my godliness hadn't been tested at all! And this is something I'm blogging about now so that in 30 years from now when I am stuck with a sulky teenybopper, a broken-down motorbike and an awful purple haircut, I will be reminded that the longer life goes on, the more resentments and bitternesses I will be tempted to lug around with me. And Dear Grace of the Future, it is not that you are less godly than the Grace of the Right Now, it is just that God has seen fit to test you through more.

What then? Lee then carried on with some amazing words said by the one-time Bishop of Tanzania:

There is no future in Frustration.

Remember that, Grace of the Future. There is no glory in bitterness, there is no hope in a dead end. Trust and Obey.