Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 4

The second last bunch of thoughts comes from another friend [cut and pasted here :)] Why I've included his remarks here, is because they're really helpful at pinpointing reasons for indulging in humour, godly or ungodly:

Laughter is very powerful because it releases endomorphins (aka endorphins), pain-killing neurotransmitters that make us feel happy. But I know that often when I joke, I often do so to draw attention to myself or impress others, or, conversely, to take attention away from myself and my own failings by making others the butt end of my jokes.

I think it's useful and important to think of the purpose of our joking, but without being paralysed into mute seriousness -- which no doubt would happen if we were to evaluate whether everything we contemplated saying would build up everyone in earshot. Selfish joking is, I think invariably, sinful -- if not because it injures another, then at least because it is selfish. And when joking demeans another, it's almost certain to be wrong. Why the hesitancy to say it's always wrong? I
think there may be legitimate occasions for good-natured poking fun at people, e.g., at the convenor of a camp or event. This can help to put people at ease, especially those who perhaps feel insecure.

Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 3

And then someone emailed me and said the following about joking: "I also think wisdom is needed, for example if you are wise enough to see that a person will not be badly affected by a "loser" joke and if it is said in a loving spirit, I think it's okay."

But I also had some thoughts on that, as I promptly emailed back. (Of course I had thoughts! This is my blog!)

1) How can a "loser" joke be said in a "loving spirit"? That seems like a paradox?

2) Why do we use loser jokes anyway?

3) And I also wonder about how we can know for sure if the person won't be badly affected. I would say I'm a pretty strong person, and it's pretty okay to joke around with me about anything. But God's recently been using people to make jokes at my expense at times when I've been at a emotional weak point to show me what it's probably like for people who aren't as emotionally strong. And it kinda sucks. And i know that the various people joking with me haven't meant to hurt me. but I'm not going to wear a huge sign around my neck that says: "I'm having a crappy day, don't make jokes at my expense!" How can we ever know for sure that we aren't hitting a sore point with other people's insecurities?

Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 2

Now why I'm titling these posts 'Thought's and not 'Parts', is because I've just been having random thoughts about this, not really parts that build up to a point.

How boring that sentence was.

Anyway.

To move on.

And swiftly.

Here's another thought from my friend DJ B:

It's not that every word that we speak must build each other up, I think it's the attitude that we speak to people in. Like when I ask a friend to pass the tomato sauce when I'm chowing down on a good steak. That doesn't necessarily build him up. But if I'm all rude about it and say like, " yo, you over there, yeah, give me that All Gold now.." then its a problem. I think its the same with our joking.

So basically, he's saying we need to really think through what our attitudes are behind joking in a specific way. Are we really joking because it's meant to be funny, or is it just to make ourselves look better?

Laugh out loud... or not? Thought 1

Q: Why does the bride wear white on her wedding day?
A: So that she can match all the other kitchen appliances.

Laughing is fun, tension-relieving, endorphin-releasing, friendship-building, enjoyable, a gracious gift from God. But at the same time, like all good things in this fallen world, it can also be used so harmfully.

Luckily, God's been teaching me a lot about the way I use my humour over the past year. I'm one of those who appear not to take that much seriously as I'm forever giggling at something or seeing the ridiculous side of something. However, I've been more and more rebuked about how often i use mean humour to get laughs. You all know what I mean: we call it 'ripping off' and under the disguise of it all being 'in good fun', we use words to break others down.

However, why do we distinguish between the way we speak when we joke from the way we usually talk about stuff. What makes it acceptable that we joke about coarse things or that we joke ungraciously when God commands us to be pure and gracious in all things? When we wouldn't even think about being ungracious or impure when we're being serious? I don't think this means the end to all joking. I think this means we must learn to use joking in a way that DOES build up and that perhaps will be much harder work cause it'll need to be more creative and different from the way the world usually works..

With friends like these...

I've become friends with this lovely immigrant from Malawi, who moved to South Africa a few years ago to find work, and more opportunities etcetc. He's doing well for himself, but having said that, he's not earning top mega bucks. And what really amazeso me is that he is so generous with the little he has. This was again displayed to me on Sunday, when he came up shyly to me and called me out of the group of people I was standing with. As I went over, he showed me a collection of books he had with him, a whole stack of books he'd gotten from his employer. "He's given me more than 30!", my friend exclaimed, obviously really excited at this amazing gift. "And now that I am being fed so well with these gospel books, I thought you guys must also have one!" And lo, and behold, he'd picked one book for each of the people that had worked with him at the Night Shelter, How cool :)

And what's even more exciting is how thoughtfully chosen and appropriate the books were for each person! I've been thinking a lot about relationships recently - how much time to give to them, how to conduct healthy relationships, how to be friends in a really meaningful way etc.etc.. I'm a bit of a people's person (even though I swear that deep down inside I'm a repressed introvert at times!), and to be honest, thinking about relationships drives me up the wall and down again. Especially 'cause I've also been thinking a lot about burnout recently as well - am I giving too much, am I too easily focused on other people etc.etc. And believe it or not, the book I'd gotten was one called: "Listening for heaven's sake: Building Healthy Relationships with God, Self and others". My brother got one on the balance between praying and doing, another friend who's about to become a dad got one on leading the family in a godly manner etc.etc. Yay, talk about God stepping in to give us just what we needed!

Burn out or rust out?... Part 3

Part 3: How do we keep ourselves?

We have a duty to keep ourselves and to keep each other.

What is the single best way to keep yourself in ministry?
1) Keep yourself a Christian
2) Keep yourself continuing in what you have learnt

We also have a responsibility to keep each other
- there is no such thing as privatized Christianity.

Umm. Yeah. This is a short one, 'cause I kinda got over taking notes at this point. Heehee.

Hmmm. I found it helpful to reconsider reasons for ministry etc., but I was expecting many more practical tips about burn out. Instead, I found that after these sessions, I felt obligated to get involved with more ministries, instead of trying to cut down on my own current number (which a person containing a measure of sensibility might suggest). So. Burn out, huh. Fortunately, a friend of mine recently went to see a Christian psychologist about this, who was apparently VERY helpful with practical tips, so once she has emailed me the notes, I'll post them up here. Till then, exercise, eat healthy, sleep enough, and laugh.

Burn out or rust out?... Part 2

Part 2: Organized ministry

We need to be emotionally committed to people. Note that apostle Paul never talked about ministry being fun - the Bible makes it clear that while serving in ministry he experienced hardship, emotionally and physically.
e.g. in 2 Timothy 1:15, Paul writes:
"You know that everyone in the province of Asia has deserted me, including Phygelus and Hermogenes".

And so it is, that we will also experience hardship. So how can we be sensible about our ministries?


1) Keep thinking vertically, not just horizontally.
- one of the biggest faults in ministry is pride
- we make the mistake of wanting people's approval to validate our ministry
Why do we fall into this trap? Because people give immediate and visual feedback
BUT it is to God we are accountable

2) Think holy, and not just ministry
- don't compartmentalize areas of your life e.g. church life, work life, leisure life.. being holy should underscore all of these areas

3) Think personally (realistically), not just hypothetically
- acknowledge each other's differences
e.g. genders: girls might need a hour and half for 1-to-1 meetings to have good long catchup chats; guys might only need 45 minutes
- know yourself and who your colleagues are
e.g. find out which times of the day you work best, which times of the year you struggle with being motivated

4) think pastorally, and not just professionally
- it's not a job: we should work hard, love them, and not just be legalistic