Keep the core thing the core thing

I was ten minutes from the end of an energetic spinning class when the instructor announced that we'd be mixing things up. Your momma might have told you to never mix your drugs, but it became swiftly clear that she shoulda also said the same thing about spinning and other exercises. A minute later, still spinning away furiously, we added arm "exercises" (and I use the " " advisedly. I'm not quite sure what they were) - everything from punching the air to circling our hands around each other to doing spirit fingers, ala that mad dance instructor from Bring It On.

The whole point of this was, of course, to .. Actually, I don't know what the point was.

It's not like the exercises were going to have any measurable impact on our arms - they were faaaaaaaaar too flimsy for that. I eventually convinced myself that these additional exercises were supposed to help us focus on our core muscles, as the shifting movements destabilized our balance.

Yet, even that justification felt a bit weak, as I soon realized that the arm exercises were not only detracting from my focus on my core muscles, but also from my spinning. As an amateur multitasker, I was struggling to breathe, spin, and punch the air all at the same time with the result that I was punching the air in time with everyone else, while my breathing was erratic, and my cadence (the rate at which my legs were turning the pedals) had dropped down to about 50%.

Although I'm competitive by nature, and I fiercely kept up with everyone else's handswirling rate, I toned it down after about 5 minutes. My purpose of attending spinning class was, wait for it, to spin. Everything else, as beneficial as it might seem, was a bit of a waste if it distracted me from this main goal. Therefore, if it was the spinning or the arm exercises, then heck, the arm exercises had to go.

This made me think through my Christian walk over the last few years. I'd had quite a few periods where I became distracted by helpful/ exciting/ cool sideline interests that appeared beneficial to my relationship with Jesus e.g. spending a lot of time talking to other people about God, blogging about Him, thinking about Him. Yet, these 'sideline' habits at times overshadowed the most important things, e.g. talking to Him, with Him. When they overplayed their role, needed to be reassessed and placed again in their rightful position as an add-on, not the main thing. If it isn't about Jesus 100%, then there's no reason to even consider the add-on habits, you know?

As I left class that day, my legs buuuuurning nicely, and my core feeling all the stronger. My arms? They were feeling fine. And that was the way I wanted things to be. So lets make sure that we are all keeping the core thing the core thing!

Emphasising and working on spiritual beauty

One of the topics that came up tonight was beauty, and I was reminded of an idea I'd had a few months ago (which, sadly, I hadn't given much more thought since).

It came from an increasing awareness of the triumph of physical beauty over beauty of character, beauty of spirit. Not that physical beauty is bad, not at all, but it really isn't the be-all and the end-all like the world says it is. I've found myself talking with the emphasis of the world, however, in frequently complimenting others on their physical attractiveness, or their clothes. I'd like to challenge myself in this: to compliment people more frequently because of who they are, or because of what they've done, e.g. "You're beautiful, because of your amazing spirit/ kind heart".

Another note:
In talking about spiritual beauty, I also find cycling (well, exercising terminology) helpful. As I've been developing muscles (it's true! cyclist calves.. oohhh), and growing stronger, and working out for longer, I've been struck by how apt a metaphor physical training provides for our own spiritual training (to be fair, the original analogy is used by the Bible :) ). In the same way some exercises work certain muscle groups, nowadays I talk about certain incidents giving me opportunity to work out my patience muscles, or doing a session with my kindness muscles.

These little visualization techniques have really helped me to process the ups and downs of the Christian walk. I no longer beat myself when I struggle as a Christian, 'cause, as I've come to expect from exercising, I know I'll have some off days, some good days, some days where my muscles hurt and don't do much, and some days where I do so much better. I know that I'm growing, and that growing involves often involves two steps forward, and one step back. I also know that it's something I need to be working on, otherwise I'll stagnate (oh, the dreaded sick periods when I can't gym for weeks.. not fun.) But unlike exercising where I can only do as much as my body can, and where I need to have frequent rest days so my muscles can build inside me, my spiritual growth is going to exceed my wildest expectations, because it's God's power and grace working in me.

Onwards, ever onwards :)

"Girls just wanna have funnnn"

Just got back from a lovely evening with some of the girls who attend my local church. The two main organisers, E and K, went to a lot of effort, preparing food for about 15 girls, which is always a win, but what I really appreciated was the thought that went into preparing the conversations for that evening, as a Facebook message from K can attest:

Oh also E and i have been thinking how we could really make the night worthwhile. Cause as much fun as it is just sociallising girls often get into gossiping easily and we want to avoid that. So were thinking that often dinner we could have some cool chats and hear everyones opinions on some intresting subjects, such as modesty, guys, contentment, how should we as women act ect. gonna put all topics in a hat and pull out randomly to discuss. we wanting to make this very relaxed and chilled tho. just cool to hear peoples opinions about some subjects and what maybe people stuggle with ect.

And what a great night of encouragement, talking, sharing, wisdomising it was :) What a blessing it is to be in such a community where you can talk about similar struggles, identify with others, and really build each other up.

Yes, I think more of this must be done!

Listening

- just because I love this quote, and believe that skills in listening is going to go a long way in establishing healthy, growing communities -

"When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel the way I do, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem. Listen. All I asked you to do was listen, not talk or do. Just hear me. I am not helpless. Perhaps discouraged for faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness. But when you accept as fact that I feel what I feel no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you and get on with understanding what's behind that irrational feeling and when that's clear, the answer will be obvious and I won't need advice." - Anonymous

Cycling ll Christian walk - a lesson

There's a shocking lack of blogging about my latest obsession: Cycling.

I. Am. Obsessed.

I've been cycling since December, and I'm now a keen spandex wearer, proud cycling tan-ner, and my eyes glaze over with joy when I meet another cyclist. I even started spinning (yes, in the gym) because winter came and I had to keep on cycling, whatever it took. How far the anti-gym-bunny has come.

Spinning/ cycling has been good for my relationship with God in many ways. Sitting on a bike for so long means that inevitably I have lengthy chats with God, or just general reflection time. Sitting on a bike for so long means I inevitably turn to God in prayer out of desperation (as irreverent as that sounds, the last hill is always a killer), or in praise for what our bodies are capable of and the beautiful surroundings I find myself in.

Cycling has also proved itself to be useful as a fruitful comparison to the Christian walk. It's hard work, takes discipline, is a pleasure, brings people together, is best undertaken in encouraging communities etcetc. These are all topics I'll probably write on in the future, but there's one particular topic that I had a revelation about recently so I thought I'd write about that.

Now the curious thing about cycling in the first few months was that I never lost weight. In fact, I think I gained a few kgs, even in the weeks I was doing 7-10 hours a week. That's a lot, anyone will tell you, and especially if you've gone from doing no exercise the last two years to doing this amount! When my cycling partner would tell me of the kgs he'd lost, I'd wonder in complete stupefaction as to how I was gaining when I did double the amount of training he did. We both clicked how this was possible a few weeks later when at a restaurant for supper. I polished off my pizza, whereas he only ate half.

Ahah! A clue!

I observed my eating patterns over the next few weeks, and came to the following conclusion: Already someone who ate a lot, I was eating even more than usual. Fair dinkum, I probably needed the extra energy, but alarmingly, because I was telling myself I was burning up hectic calories, my usually healthy eating plans were out of the window, and I was eating tons of junk food. Burgers, pizzas, pastries, sweet stuff- all things I usually ate in moderation were becoming everyday occurrences. In other words, me doing well in one aspect of healthy living (exercising) made me completely lax in another aspect of healthy living (eating). [I learnt my lesson after a few health issues, though.]

Processing this episode made me wonder - how often do we take a similar approach to our Christian lives? Just because we're doing one thing well, do we tend to pat ourselves on the back and ease off on other matters? Because we've been kind, gracious, patient in one circumstance, do we tell ourselves it's okay to be harsh, unloving, selfish in the next second? This is not to say that God doesn't have grace for us when we slip up - He does, and immeasurably so. This is also not to say that we need to be 100% perfect the whole time. Yet, I came to see through this incident that a danger I see in myself is becoming complacent and thinking that doing well in one area means I'm doing well in my whole Christian walk. Let's watch out for thinking like this :)

Driving home stream-of-consciousness.

While driving home from a lovely evening with the girls in the Young Working Adults' Bible Study home, I switched on the radio to hear one of my favourite songs:

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
- Green Day "Wake me up when September ends"

The lyrics saddened me. One month to go, and I'll be out of here. Gone.

But then the next song came on, one of South Africa's favourite rock bands, Plush, with their song 'Hope'

No I’m not going to lose hope today,
'Cause I'm one step closer,
to where I want to be.
No, I'm not going to lose hope today,
Though it's easy to
nothing good comes easy anyway.

It's not at all an answer to my sadness, but it's comforting knowing that taking another step forward takes me further than I was yesterday. Don't think it meant to, but the song just reminded me to trust and obey, and to hope. So sad I'll be, but no despair.

PS - a thought on living in community

Discovered these wise words today, which are a useful illumination into my thoughts of yesterday:

The Gospel can only be witnessed to by a plurality of persons, because the witness to the gospel is something that happens between and among persons, not simply within them. One Christian can talk about the Gospel, but two or more Christians can enact its truth and power, namely in the way they treat one another. Individual righteousness is inconceivable in the New Testament apart from its expression in relation to others within the body.
- Tommy Givens

Helping.Helped - a thought on living within community

Yesterday, I bumped into a friend I hadn't seen in ages. We quickly caught up about a number of things, including my prep for England. Very excitedly, I shared with her how I was feeling so much more at ease about going over ever since some people there had gotten hold of me and expressed a warm welcome. She thoughtfully said, looking at me: "That's so great, especially 'cause it must be such a different experience for you. I mean, you're the type who prefers helping out, not being helped."

Her honest words made me pause. Sheesh, I'm as readable as a Jane and Dick grade 1 reader. I am very much a I-can-do-things-by-myself-yes-sure-I-can-help-you-but-no-I-don't-really-need-any-help-from-you-okay-maybe-I-need-some-help-carrying-this-1-ton-elephant-by-myself. It's something I've always struggled with, with manifestation in a prominent so-called Saviour/ Superman complex.

But I realized then that over the last few years God has slowly been changing me, and I'm much better than I used to be. I've come to realize that being so stubborn about not allowing others to help me is actually a barrier to forming community and to creating open, transparent, equal relationships. Mutuality depends on a give and take; not just a take - and by selfishly saying that I was beyond other people's help, I closed down their power to make rightful contributions to our relationship or to our broader community.

This is a lesson that had many iterations, many episodes, and a number of people contribute to its articulation, but here's one situation to illustrate:
Every week during Thursday night Bible studies, a different cell group is on duty, which means that they help serve up dinner, do the dishes after, serve coffee/hot chocolate. Sometimes I'd be standing with friends on duty, and would end up helping them instead of letting the groups serve. However, I was struck by the fact that me helping out every now and then robbed the group members of serving the church family, something which we were trying to encourage by creating this very opportunity. Fail? Yes, much. Rectifiable? Of course. And so it goes.

I now try to stop my first instincts to be like Me, Me, I can help, especially if there's someone else who's just as capable and can use the opportunity to serve. I also try to tell people when I need their help, instead of doing everything by myself.

After all, if the church is a body, the kidney doesn't stand by itself. Neither does the liver. They work together as a conduit of fluids/ particles/ stuff. [Biological knowledge breakdown right here.] And it is in this working together, with each part bringing its own contribution, that the body works so beautifully :)

Adoption Day

Today was Adoption Day - a full-day seminar on adoption with talks by professionals, as well as adoptive parents. I've been thinking about adoption for a few years, so this seminar was timely, as I was really keen on learning about adoption from a Christian perspective. I think it a necessary consideration, because I live in a country where the majority live in poverty, and where there are so many children in need.

The day was well-structured, and the topics chosen gave a thorough overview of adoption and many of its emotional, practical, socio-cultural, legislative factors. We went from the 'Legal Process of Adoption' to parenting adopted children and factors to consider when bringing a child into a family that already had children, understanding grief and loss in adoption, race and culture, and how to encourage adoption communities and engage with adoption within church families.

There were also some great testimonies. It was so heartwarming to hear how the adoptive parents loved and accepted their children, and how so many of their communities supported them in thoughtful, considerate ways. One family shared how their cell group hosted a baby shower for the mom - one of those events that are planned so matter-of-factly for a natural birth mom, but aren't usually thought necessary for adoptive parents.

Another story had me crying softly. The dad shared how they'd adopted a young HIV positive boy at 7 (the dad confessed that he'd first told God he'd adopt, but just not a HIV+ kid, as he felt that there'd be too many risks involved - little did he know God's plan for his life). Just before their first visit to the grandparents, he told the little boy that they were going to visit Nana and Oupa. "Nana and Oupa?" the little boy asked. "I have a Nana and Oupa?" "Yes, of course," the dad replied. "You've joined our family, now they're yours too." Now, what Nana had done was to download all the photos of the little boy she could find on Facebook, and had them printed, framed, and placed all around the house, just as if the little boy had always been part of the family. When the little boy walked into the house, he stared at all his photos showing that he too belonged, and turned to the dad and said: "She DOES know me!" What an amazing display of welcome :)

What laid the foundation for the whole day was a great opening talk on how we, as Christians, have been adopted by God into His family - one of the main reasons that have shaped my own desires to adopt. As a adoptive couple said: "We adopt, because we were adopted ourselves".

A few points from the talk: "Humanity abandoned its creator, but our Creator did not abandon us. In this context of voluntary orphanage, our Creator came down and offered to adopt us. Adoption is a picture of grace. Once we rejected God, His duty and responsibility to us ceased. But his love did not."

14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs— heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
- Romans 8:14-17

Alun, the speaker, also reminded us of how we are to go about adopting: "Whatever you do, do it not from guilt or pride, but out of gratitude for your own membership in the greatest of families by what the greatest of Gods has done at the greatest of costs. [...]We need to get away from adoption as a second-best option: adoption is a first-choice option for people who know Jesus Christ first hand."

As someone who has been taken by God into His most amazing worldwide family, as someone who is a temporary stranger on this earth, as someone who now has an eternal inheritance and a Dad who is Creator of the World, I cannot wait to adopt and to similarly take people into my own family :)

The perfect world?

Max K is one of the loveliest, most sparkly packages of tech-cool dynamite operating in the local space. She's petite, much smaller than I am, but wow, her energy and ideas make her glow like a Catherine Wheel wherever she is.

Being a seeker of fascinating people and interesting conversation, I managed to pin her down for a one-on-one coffee date. Lucky me :) She's a natural mentor and provocateur of growth, so we ended up having some great conversations about where I wanted to be heading and what I wanted to do with my life. I remember saying to her that one of the things I'm most passionate about is social justice, so I'm currently considering career paths in that field. [She laughed and said, "Yeah, social justice is incredibly sexy, but maybe you could be more effective within other fields."]

Just as we were about to wrap up a longer-than-expected conversation, she suddenly stopped me and asked "What does your perfect world look like?"

Struck by the newness of this profound question, I paused and then mumbled off some stuff about an equal opportunity, democratic, financially sustainable world where people were accepted by one another. Blah blah blah blah. You know, all the cool things you've heard everyone else is fighting for. I was actually just throwing words together at the spot - and Max could tell this.

"No, seriously, what does your perfect world look like? If nothing was broken, if nothing needed fixing, how would people treat each other? The environment? Countries? You need to know what it is you're hoping to bring about so that you have something to fight for."

Sheesh. On my drive home, I tried to figure out why I couldn't find the words to describe the perfect world I could feel I believed in, the perfect world that was lying unexpressed in my heart. Whatever I came up with, however, kept on being taunted by the knowledge that this side of heaven, there would be no perfect world. Due to the fallibility, greed, sinfulness of mankind, nothing will ever be perfect.

And then the words came:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” - Revelations 21:1-4

My perfect world, the one that was haunting the poorly expressed one I shared with Max, looks like the new heaven and the earth God has promised us. God has already perfectly described it for us in His Word. In my perfect world, there will be NO death or mourning or crying or pain. It will be a place where God and man live in perfect harmony, man forever glorifying God like he was created to be; and God being man's God.

Max's last point hit again: "If you know what your perfect world is, then you know what it is you're striving for."

And now I'm sitting with a question of my own: "If my perfect world is primarily one where people know God, not one necessarily marked by social constructs such as democracy, equality, financial security, then why aren't I doing more to further this goal, instead of other 'perfect worlds'?"

The Chronicles of Packing - leaving too early

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I'm so grateful to God that I didn't leave straight away in January, and that the UK university year only starts in October. I would've arrived burntout, sentimentally and emotionally broken, logistically inept, and would've probably struggled to settle in for months. The lovely thing about only leaving in September, 9 months after I received word that I'd gotten the Scholarship, is that I've had the gift of time. Time to recover from the last few years of madness, time to recover from the intellectual challenges of the last degree, time to spend and treasure moments spent with my friends and family, time to work on resting and exercising my foot and back (oh these persistent injuries), time to prepare myself mentally for the big shift ahead, time to just settle into myself again.

But now in these last weeks, time has become a burden. In my excitement for the adventures lying ahead, I wish I was there NOW. What I've become aware of is a faint drifting away of my heart and head into the future. I find myself in terms of my commitments, my thinking, my future, to have left already for England.

I remember saying to D at the end of last year, very honestly, that I'd probably not do much this year and in all probability, retreat from many of my friendships in an attempt to protect myself from losing people I love. Whack psychological thinking, eh. He just as honestly told me he thought that was quite cold-hearted. Fair, enough.

Fortunately, God has planned everything according to His schedule, not mine, and despite intention to withdraw, He knew that my time was still in South Africa, and that I still had to make contributions here to life here. He brought into my life many wonderful people and opportunities, to the point where in the last few months instead of cutting down on my friends, I have made more. [Even, random friends like the wonderful Miss L, who I met via Twitter. Kid you not. She's now one of my closest friends :)] I have been all the more richly blessed for following through on the doors God has opened up for me.

Through this all, in retrospect, God was reminding me that I am in a specific place at a specific time with specific people in a specific context. And if I am not wholly present in that space, then I am robbing people around me of my interaction, I am uncommitted to God's plan for me, I am not using opportunities to be a light to the world, and I am just wasting my time. I learnt this lesson in the broader change of a bit move overseas, but I wonder to myself how often I've done this in smaller contexts: at parties, at bible studies, during conversations.. where I have left already before my body leaves. If I am in one place, then I should be fully in one place :)

I mean this post to be an encouragement to think through your own 'spaces' that you're involved in, to investigate your attitudes to your commitments and your responsibilities, to see whether you are truly living out the belief that where you are right now is exactly where God wants you to be.

For me, I'd like to add the following to Ecclesiaste's list: there is a time to leave, and a time to stay.

And right now, I am still here.

The Chronicles of Packing - Worry #1: Friends

Unfortunately, all of my friends have experienced normal physical development so no-one I know weighs less than 30kgs. Which is actually rather good for them as they might have been stuffed into a suitcase, and chucked unto a plane for a 18hr flight. But this is rather sad for me, because I'm leaving behind many, many beloved people.

This brings me to worry #1 about leaving: friends. My concern is not so much about making friends - I enjoy meeting people and get along with most people, so I've rarely lacked a friendly face or conversationalist when I've wanted to chat to someone. Rather, my concern is those friendships that take longer to evolve; a relationship of trust between two people who've decided to walk along life together for a while. Despite my seeming openness and transparency in my blog, I am a very very (private) person, and there are few people in the world I really trust to share most things with. Hence the problem. If I can't pack these people into a bag with me, then the first few months, maybe even year, is going to be quite difficult, particularly because I will be in a new space, which I expect to challenge me in any ways, and I won't have deep, solid friendships to encourage, rebuke, hold me accountable, and to ask me the hard questions.

But I should've factored in God's hand over my life. Lo and behold, today, three people got hold of me in pretty much the space of 5 minutes, all of them in the UK, all of them members of God's family, and all of them saying 'Hello, we are here to welcome you, don't worry :)'. It's such a privilege to be part of a world-wide family :)

Somalia

There are times when I am too overwhelmed by the complexity of a situation and I do not want to pray to God because I am afraid that my words are too simple, too inadequate, too narrow for the multitude of factors that can be prayed for. Sometimes I do not want to pray, because I don't quite trust God when He says that the most important thing is not that people have food and clothes and shelter, but that they know Him. Other times, I cannot pray, because my heart is bleeding, and the sorrow drowns my thoughts.

Somalia, I am sorry.

Reversing

So yesterday, after church, I hopped into my car, switched it on, put the gear into reverse, foot on accelerator... and my car went forward.

Not thinking twice about it, I put the gear into neutral, and then into reverse again. Again, the car rocked forward.

Now, really confused, I put it into neutral again and even more carefully into reverse. To no avail. Again, the car rocked forward. Every single gear that I put it in, reverse, first, second, third, made the car accelerate forward. My reverse gear had been eaten! [Which, I would like to point out, is a non-technical way of saying that my gearbox had obviously broken.]

At this point, C and M walked out of church, and seeing my car shift forward almost into a giant rock, motioned 'Reverse, reverse!'. Little did they know that a minute later, they'd be pushing my car sloooowly backwards, out of the parking lot, so that I could zoom off forward, ever forward!

As I was driving home, careful to stop with sufficient distance before all the stop streets and robots so as to avoid reversing, I suddenly realized what a great picture the car incident displayed of the necessity and power of community.

Sometimes, in our Christian walk, we get stuck. No matter what we do, it just seems as if we can't go anywhere. No matter how much vooma we have, the direction is all wrong. 'Stuck in a moment', as U2 sings. And it's only with the help of others that we are able to reverse/ repent/ get out of said tight spot. Without C and M, I wouldda sat there the whole morning long. There's much to be said about meeting with each other regularly, and being open and honest with our struggles, joys, and fears!

My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins. - James 5:19-20

The Chronicles of Packing - kind words, soft words

A season of leaving tends to be accompanied by assessment, measuring, weighing up. What's been particularly lovely in these last few weeks is that many of my friends have made a point in telling me what I've meant to them, and how it is I've impacted them or made a difference in their life.

I've been humbled by their words and the way God has allowed me to work in so many people's lives. The reminder that what I do affects those around me (not in an arrogant sense, but a practical realization of the interconnectedness of community) has spurred me on to act more like what they appreciate me for, and to work harder on my selfishness, my unkindness, my general grumpiness.

These two verses on the strength of words sprang to mind:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. - Proverbs 16:24

What I've come to realize though is leaving is too late to encourage someone. Encouraging someone and speaking words of truth and edification must come while you are with them, living life every day. So I've decided I'm going to make more of an effort to highlight people's strengths, their unique gifts to them while I'm with them. Yay :)

The Chronicles of Packing, and my organs

On Friday night, as I was again sifting through my stuff (did I mention that I found I had some grade 10, 11, 12 notebooks? That I'd kept all my first, second, third year notes?!??! *cough cough* !hoarder!), I suddenly remembered about organ donorship.

The link between the two things (packing and organ donorship) might seem a bit random, but in retrospect I understand it to be because of the prompt of how we are in essence only temporary travellers to this earth, and that if I can't take much with me to England, there's even less I can take with me to Heaven. I am but a steward of things only temporarily mine, even if they are inside me.

FYI, if I'm ever in a fatal accident, I want my organs to live on in others. It's not like I'm going to need them in my next life :) I think it's definitely worth thinking through as a Christian, even though contemplating death might be scary to you. Either way, don't leave it too late - you never know when your time is here, and when you do go, I think it's pretty cool to know that you'll be contributing to saving 7 people's lives in your death.

So don't forget to check out your national Organ Donor Registry! For South Africans it's www.odf.org.za :) I'll also be signing up as soon as I touch down in England, yay :)

The Chronicles of Packing

In precisely one month and one week, I'll be stepping onto a plane that takes me far, far, far away to a muddy wet island. As you can guess, part of my silence in the last few weeks has been due to the crazy business that comes from wrapping up a life of 24 years up. I've been particularly struck by how much time I've spent packing. Or rather, chucking stuff out, because in the spirit of not being here for 3/4 years, I thought it a good time to assess my material possessions in this time of movement.

A few thoughts:

- Packing has been such a joy and such a curse in forcing me to decide what I'm going to take and what I'm going to leave here. It was a curse, I felt, for the first two hours of my first packing (packing of things I wanted to have shipped across before I got there). I was quite emotional (read: grumpy) as I had to decide what clothes to pack, what clothes to leave behind. The intensity of my emotionality was due in part to the idea of a new adventure, but also in part to the attachment I felt to my stuff - a lot of which I'd never really used or worn like I'd intended. After about 2 hours of wrestling, I suddenly realized this most amazing truth: I AM NOT MY CLOTHES or my things or my possessions. I am just a steward of these things, temporarily; and with regard to a lot of things, I have been a very selfish steward. So I ended up dumping 4/5 black bags of clothes to the Sister and her Roommate, and giving away random bits and pieces. What a blessing to be reminded that ultimately I am more than inanimate objects linked to my name, and what great perspective to gain.

- It's been so lovely passing on my things. Quite a few people asked whether I didn't want to hold onto my things till I came back - I suppose I could've, but at the same time I don't know if I'll be coming back straight away; also, I'm tired of my stuff not being used while waiting for me. Like I said in my previous point, I came to realize that in the same way that my things do not define who I am, I am not the definer of my things. It is all God's, and He has graciously allowed me to use things for a while. Now, my purpose with them is done, so it's time for pass them on to others who can use them better.

- At one point, as I looked at the hundreds, indeed thousands, quite possibly, rands worth of stuff I was giving/ packing away in books, clothes, random bits and pieces I thought I needed, I felt quite sick to the stomach. All this stuff that I'd spent hours deciding whether to buy or not, the money I eventually ended up handing over, that dress that was slightly too big that I'd bought anyway 'cause it'd been on sale (that I'd ended up wearing only once or twice)... This whole process has really made me reconsider my purchasing habits. I've become a habitual impulse shopper in the last two years, I've realized, not because I need new clothes, but because I have money so I can spend it. It's been really great having this lesson hit home before I go over and start spending more money as I settle into a new place. I need to be far more firm and practical with the way I spend money.

- It's not easy, I must say, the initial parting from my clothes. I remember, I was taking two bags over to the Sister, and just before she came down, I was scrounging through the bags again just in case I'd missed one of my favourites.. I almost ended up taking a few items back, but I had to give myself a stern talk to leave it alone :) But it was more out of force of habit, than anything really. At this point in time, I've long forgotten most of the clothes I've given away, and I don't miss anything. So just because you don't feel like it initially, it's good to break through to a new habit :) I've decided to do this possession assessment once every year and give away stuff I'm not using!

To end off, I found this most beautifully poetic verse in the Psalms that has been such a joy, encouragement, rebuke, gift from God to encourage me in my understanding of generosity and stewardship:

Whom have I in Heaven but You
And being with You, I desire nothing on earth.
- Psalm 73:25